One Fast Buffalo

As requested, I have replaced the devil picture with something cheery and holiday-ish.

I'm on my way out but I just thought I would add something to the blog that made me giggle a few weeks ago. I was in the Baylor research library and I went to look something up on google. Everything that had been previously searched under the same beginning letter popped up under the "search" box. Out of pure boredom I ditched what I was doing for a while and typed in all the letters on the keyboard to see what other people had searched for. I was laughing so hard I decided to write some of them down.

• inability to gaze upward
• tea causes much urination
• one fast buffalo
• smooth quill ostrich boots
• fanny bag joe
• full quill ostrich boots
• how to title a term paper
• nutmeg liver
• eskimo in diaper

So... thats that.

Alli is a CUTIE pie

Shon left for his mission in Detroit.

It looks like that is all the photos Blogger is allowing for the moment!

It was great to see all our friends and family for all the holidays, even if it was a bit of a puke fest in Ashton we still know how to have a good time, right?! Love you all.

Joni

Run in with the Police

I coudn't pass on this gem. I stand by our pledge long ago to not let any bad pic go unseen. I look like an enormous egg headed zombie and Joni looks like...Joni...after falling on her head too many times. The more I look at it the more I want to delete it. I couldn't find any pics of police to go with my story so this will have to do for now as a bad mug shot.

Last week I was the key witness to two police reports in two days at two different jobs. My co-workers make fun of me now because I am always the first one to be on the scene when something happens. One guy went as far as saying, "When Jesus comes he's going to come to you first so that you can tell everyone about it." I thought that was pretty funny, more in the way he said it than anything else. Anyways, I hesitate saying anything in case I am called in as a witness in court...but who is really going to read my blog anyways? Rhett, I am still wondering about the FBI and blog-reading? I always wondered who those people were that made millions from suing a company for the most rediculous things...I met one the other day. I won't go into long and boring details but this lady "claimed" to have slipped and fallen and broken her neck. I did everything I was supposed to do, I got her a blanket, and talked to her to keep her mind off of what was going on until the ambulance arrived. She even asked me to move her and I refused by saying that I wasn't going to touch her. Her act was good enough to be on the "young and the restless". She was moaning and shaking, and saying that she was just trying to finish Christmas shopping, but she had a bag of gutter screws and a placemat in her hand and she was in the lumber section. I could just see the whole christmas miracle in my mind...."Daddy, here is your 2x4 that you have been asking for, I hope you like it". She even took a break to answer her little pink cell phone when it rang. Now before you start judging me and thinking that maybe she really was hurt, the fireman got there and when they saw the whole situation they started joking around and pretending to fall...when she wasn't looking of course. When the paramedics got there, they couldn't see anything wrong with her, and were caught off guard about what to do at first. Sure enough, she was carted away on a stretcher. I'd hate to see her face when she realizes that Lowes won't foot the ambulance bill. It is only a matter of time before a laywer shows up. I am learning how different life is in a big city, not only because of the larger percentage of idiots and wierd people, but how often you have to trust your instincts. Thieves are everywhere here too, and I am getting a lot of experience learning the ways of thier trade.

The other police report wasn't so funny, which is why I won't go into it. But I was pretty disturbed and affected by the whole situation for a couple of days. Don't worry dad, I don't need therapy, it's just crazy when bad things happen to people you know, and even crazier when people you know do horrible things. Joni and I have learned a lot while here about being extremely cautious and aware of your surroundings. I will never leave a door unlocked again, or not look around before I get into or out of a car. We have talked about what to do in almost every situation so we feel pretty prepared for anything, but it is always good to be safe no matter where you are. If we would have stayed in Utah we probably would have continued to take for granted our safety. We never used to lock our doors or anything, but now we know how dumb that was to think like that.

I am about finished with my grad school applications and I will update you all when I hear something, we have some big decisions to make in the next few months pending the results of those applications. I STILL BELIEVE in the Broncos but things could quickly change if they lose to the Cardinals this week.

D O N E !

Well I am still alive, I guess thats all that really matters. I made it through the seminar and actually managed to stay calm and cover all the points I had planned on (this is rare because my my goes blank at the drop of a hat when I'm nervous). It actually went really well. Yaaaaaayyyy!!!! Just thought I'd give you all an update.
Love, Joni

Stingy nostril, research and pandora

I am really sick of sorting through my foot-tall pile of research - I've been at it since 9am and it's 6pm. Eeewww. So I am distracting myself for about 30 min and taking a break. My seminar is Thursday and all was going as planned until I woke up yesterday with a soar throat and a freight train running through my head. If my voice goes just in time for the seminar well... that will just be funny.
I should have known I would pick up some virus or another because I have been in 3 different childrens hospitals in the past 3 weeks with sick (but cute) little kids.
Whats really annoying one nostril is runny and stingy. At least the other one is in good shape for now.
You guys should try out my favorite web page. It's called pandora and you can put in a song or band that you like and it will create a customized radio station that play songs that sound like the one you entered. It's totally free and you can create as many radio stations as you want.
I wonder if I can add a link. http://www.pandora.com/
Oh I hope that works - if not just search for pandora.com and it will come up.

Okay, back to the fun stuff! Love you all.

JONI

Arctic Blast

I could not resist a blog about the latest event that has taken place in Texas. Yesterday it was 80 degrees and I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, and today I took a picture of snow! It really isn't that big of a deal, but the big deal is how big of a deal this is to people here. I tried to wait to take a picture when the snow looked the heaviest, and you can barely see the snow on the cars...there wasn't even enough to stick on the ground, but this is where the story gets crazy.

The news channels were calling this the "Arctic Blast" and with how much coverage there was on it, they might have well given it a name like they do hurricanes, like arctic blast Pedro or something. Seriously, I don't remember seeing this much coverage on a single event since 9/11. From the early morning hours until late tonight, most of the shows have been canceled or been interrupted with emergency updates on the snow situation. One news station showed live coverage of the sand trucks coming into town and they were the "exlcusive" station to be able to follow the sand trucks around the city with live footage of the trucks dumping sand on the streets. The story gets crazier. All schools, major businesses and universities, and pretty much every building (except Lowes of course) in town told employees and students that work and school were canceled. There was not a drop of ice on the roads, let alone enough snow anywhere to warrant canceling anything, but sure enough...everyone was advised to stay home. I couldn't help but laugh out loud when this one news guys was literally bundled up with three inch thick fleece all around his neck and head, heavy winter gloves, and a wind breaker over the fleece. I have really had to bite my tounge because I don't want to be the guy who says "well this is nothing compared to where I am from", but seriously, this is crazy to a point that it is really funny. I had heard rumors about winters here and how everything would shut down, but it is another thing to actually experience it. I can't count the number of times I had to literally dig out my truck with a shovel in Logan to get to school on time, today I scraped the window with a credit card and everything in town was shut down.

I can't wait until after next week because I will hopefully get my wife back from Baylor. She has been on loan to them since she started the internship in August. She is freaking out because her huge seminar in front of all of the doctors and important people in the hospital is on December 7th. This is the biggest part of her internship, or at least the most stressful. She has been working on it tirelessly for months. It is crazy to think about how much students have to do to prove themselves worthy of a good job or certain certifications these days. Joel of course comes to mind as well when I think of that. I am excited for Sunday, I switched schedules with someone for my Sunday night shift in order to catch Cutler in his first start against the Seahwawks, Go Broncos!

Challenges and famous people

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, I am nursing a mild turkey hangover today. I have had turkey sandwiches every day since last Saturday and last night was about all I could handle. Plus, we ate with a bunch of Joni's friends and thier families last night and I think the Martinelli's might have been alchohlic. I didn't think anything of it because I never really liked the taste of Martinelli's sparklling cider, so I gulped it down to get it out of the way, then Joni told me later she thought it was spiked a little bit. Does Martinelli's even make alchoholic cider? If so...ooops...maybe that is where my headache this morning is from. Consider this my confession even though I didn't know.
So I officially feel cool at 24 Hour Fitness now. The other day one of the main guys from the show "Prison Break" came in to work out. And I found out that former Forty-niner and Cowboy pro bowler Charles Haley works out every day there. It is funny to see famous people in person, it is kind of exciting at first, then you realize that they are normal people too, and it is wierd.
Joni and I teach the 6-7-8 year olds in primary as opposed to the 10-11 year olds...which leads me to a quick "venting" session. I know I was a little misbehaved but this is just plain cruel. The two craziest kids in primary are in our class. One little girl named Hannah is in a wheelchair, she is really sweet when she wants to be but she throws a lot of fits and you have to keep her entertained all of the time. I think she also has cerebral paulsey. Last week she ended up tearing apart our visual lesson, but at least it kept her quiet and busy for 5 minutes. The other tough one...and I mean TOUGH to handle...is a boy named Isaac who also suffers from a disabilty of some sorts. He wears diapers and jumps up and down and tries to run away every 5 seconds. He loves to scream loud and spit and hit too, and he isn't small, he is a thick and strong little guy. We have never been more physically drained after 2 hours then we were for our first day. It is one of the most challenging callings I have ever faced and I thought it was going to be easy. I seriously don't know what to do, we need two people to give all of thier attention to these two kids and one other person to teach the poor kids who are trying to pay attention amid all of the chaos. I feel even worse for Joni because I work two Sundays a month. Everyone kept saying they were acting up because we were new, but with my job there will be a sub in there with Joni twice a month. I know everyone is going to tell us, "it will be good in the long run and rewarding" or that "maybe we are being prepared for something" but come on, I get a headache just thinking about going back on Sunday. Okay, enough of the venting...for now anyways. I need a major attitude change or an "uplift" of some sorts to get through this one. Maybe I am just mad because the Broncos lost again. Plus I just wrote an e-mail to some guy who works for the Denver Post who wrote a negative article about the Broncos...it was actually pretty fun to do...I heckled him a bit. Hope everyone is enjoying thier time off, Happy Holidays!

Early thanksgiving

We had a pretty eventful week the last couple of days. Joni and I drove to Houston to have our Thanksgiving a little early with some friends and I wanted to visit Texas A&M in order to get a better feel for the place before I apply to graduate school. Joni likes taking pictures in the car, I can't help but wonder what people were thinking when flashes kept coming out of the windows. The Texas sky really is beautiful, I don't know if it is the humidity that makes a difference but there are literally layers and layers of colors. It made me think of that retro painter guy with the afro because he always painted the sky like that but I always remember thinking he painted his own little make believe-land or something, not real sunsets. I was very impressed with Texas A&M, and I was treated very good. They had two graduate students waiting for me when we got there to take us on a tour of the place and answer all of my questions, then they led me to a professor and advisor's office to learn more. All in all it was a very positive experience, the campus is ENORMOUS, I met some professors and students, and I am excited about applying. I don't want to get my hopes too high in case I don't get in, but I think we did the right thing by checking things out first.

Of course we thought this sign was hilarious. We were trying to figure out how they came up with the name...any ideas?

The food came out delicious, Joni and Amanda made thier first Thanksgiving meal ever and did an awesome job. They made everything look like it was right out of a magazine and it tasted even better.

I took my turn at trying to make the little whopper turkeys, they came out a little retarded...as was the little zip lock bag I was using.

It really felt like Thanksgiving, football was on all day, and we were able to spend time with friends. The feast included citrus herb turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, deviled eggs, candied yams, stuffing, green beans, rolls, cranberry sauce, and of course...pumpkin pie. It was fun to see friends and experience a little bit of Houston, and it was great to be back home in Dallas. Joni went at it again with the camera in the car because the Dallas skyline downtown was awesome as we drove in, but the pictures didn't come out. No animals or people were harmed in the picture taking process...except the turkey of course. Texas is starting to feel a bit more like home for us...at least for now...I guess thats what a thanksgiving feast will do for you wherever you are.

My life as an actor

I was thinking the other day about something my mom and I talked about a few years back and for some reason I have never forgotten it. I thought my brothers would be interested to know(if you already don't) because it is another one of those questions that is really random but interesting. The question was, what actor do you think most fully portrays your life or the lives of those close to you? I recently read about a couple who did something similar except they asked each other what famous person would they like to play them in a movie about thier life story. It was funny because the wife asked the husband who he thought would be a good fit for him, and he thought about it and said, "Dennis Quaid, and you would be Reese Witherspoon". The wife thought for a moment and said, "if you are Dennis Quaid then I am playing myself". I guess it was funnier when I read it because it was on one of those airplane magazines and I was really tired. But anyways...Joni and I are too much the same as you probably know by now because she has always been as random as me when asking questions, but it really makes for an interesting conversation. Here are some examples: What are five features that you would HAVE to have if you built or bought a house? what 3 cd's would you keep if you could only listen to those 3 the rest of your life? what inanimate object could you not live without? etc, etc. It really helps you to get to know someone better than the typical "where are you from" type questions. It was funny because when Joni and I started dating, I don't know if I knew much about her as far as personal history goes, but I knew what foods she craved, and what the best skittle combination was. I think we both just really like asking questions that make you think and that can bring out your personality. The questions never seem to be answered directly, but a funny story will always ensue. I can't wait to ask some of the primary kids some of thier ideas because kids have some of the best answers...by the way we have the 10 and 11 year olds. I still remember at Glen and Kendi's wedding Joel and I had to sit at a table with all of the kids twelve and under...I about peed my pants when Joel asked them what they thought about world peace.

Back to the main question...with my mom and the actors question, this is what she said( and let this answer the question-does mom have a favorite?... you tell me): Steve-Nicholas Cage. She said it was because of his wry sense of humor but I thought it was really because of the hairline thing along with the ever present 5 o'clock shadow. Glen-Tom Hanks. I had to wonder, does Tom Hanks scrunch up in a ball when he laughs? Once again I thought it might be the hair. Joel-Harrison Ford. Who does mom have a crush on? you guessed it, the perfect manly man with a sense of humor that drives women crazy. For some reason I can't see Harrison Ford in a family circle talking about butt's and smells. And lastly, Paul-Kevin Bacon. WHHAAAAT? when I desperately asked for an explanation she told me the Kevin Bacon from Footloose...even better mom...am I spastic? After the initial shock I actually thought it was pretty funny, as are all answers to random questions. What is your take?

Halloween - a little late

So just when Paul and I think we've reached the height of our nerdiness, we take it one step further. On Halloween night Paul decided we needed to leave the house. He said it was because mobs of trick or treaters were going to break down our door & we wouldn't have enough candy... I'm pretty sure he just wanted that bag of Kit Kats all to himself. So we were walking out the door to see a movie and decided to throw together some last minute costumes. Well costumes are hard to come by when our belongings are separated in three different states but we did okay. In the end I was dressed up as Paul and he was dressed up as me - not to many other options, ya know?

I was quit funny to see people stare at Paul, obviously wondering if he was dressed up or just into bright colors and funny looking short bearded guys. We didn't make it to the movie we planned on but did find a cool little pizza place. It is called Piggy Pies (atta way to make a girl feel slim) and it was very yummy pizza.

So after dinner we rented a movie - that was cool and all but the funnest part of our Halloween was when we sat in the dark with a little light and made shadow puppets with our hands. Some of the coolest shadows?

• Elvis
• caveman
• cougar
• dog
• goose

You name it - we had it figured out. Anyways, I haven't done that since I was like 8 yrs old. I'm sleepy, gotta go! :)

karma

When I was a kid I remember hating church...maybe I only remember the times that I can recall throwing a fit, or never wanting to give a talk in primary (mom you'll have to enlighten me on that one), but I don't remember being the good little kid that loved to go to primary. I still remember Bro. Hand when I was in the CTR class because when I didn't pay attention he would squeeze my hand REALLY hard until I about cried. Another teacher in a different year came to our house to speak with my parents about how disruptive I was in class, I don't remember being that way but I guess I had to have been pretty bad. Then there was the traumitizing baby sitter and pre-school stories that Joel and I still remember to this day. I can never tell that story enough when our family left us for Mexico and the lazy babysitters made us eat water with our cereal, and Joel thought he was going to die of an ear infection and the babysitter told him to quit crying. In pre-school, Mrs. Jenkins asked me what kind of sandwich I wanted for lunch and of course I wanted PBJ like all of the other kids, but she said I had to eat a bologna sandwich or I couldn't go play outside with the other kids. I remember being strong enough to sit there at the table until Mrs. Jenkins left the kitchen...I threw the sandwich away and bolted upstairs to hide under the sink until my mom came to pick me up. Every time we went to her house to eat after that I refused to eat anything she made...she probably thought I was a spoiled little brat but I remember feeling triumphant that I stood my ground.
So maybe now you ask whats the point of bringing up all of the childhood trauma? Yesterday Joni and I were called to teach in the primary. We are actually pretty excited about it, but I can't help but wonder if God has a sense of humor and this is payback time. We don't know what age we will teach yet, but we will definately be sailing on uncharted waters this time. God really does have a sense of humor because after all those years of picky eating, not only did I serve a mission in which I had to try almost everything imaginable, but I married a dietician. So whatever it is that you think you may be getting away with in your life right now, just remember that someday karma will come back to get you...I have been watching way too many "My Name is Earl" rereuns lately. In the end, who knows, it may be the best calling I have ever had, at least I know marrying a dietician has worked out pretty good so far.

conversation

Word of warning: this may be a very confusing blog. Joni and I are very bored and it is midnight on a Friday night so we are going to try and have a conversation. I am the blue writing and Joni is the green. If this is as stupid as I think it will be, it should not be read...but we thought it would be fun to type to each other instead of talking (Joni just made that rule)...we are super nerds and not on any type of drug.

Hey Paul, what is your favorite slurpee flavor?
I definately like coke slurpees with a little bit of cherry flavor on the top, I hate mountain dew slurpees. I like slurpees...you want to go get a slurpee?
Um no Paul - remember how we just got back from 7-11 5 minutes ago and you bought a snickers icecream bar and I got chocolate? What is your favorite movie with an animal as the main star?
That is a VERY good question Joni (we don't usually say each others names like that every time but I feel like I am on stage right now). I remember lots of movies that my dad used to rent about dogs. I wonder if I was a kid growing up these days if I would like Air Bud...I used to like "Benji" and "Digby". I like lots of movies with animals...horses and stuff. What about you?
I'm not sure I've ever made it all the way through one. Does Gremlins count? Or Critters? Critters was scary.
Maybe like animal sci-fi, but not "animal". I remember when I watched "The Horse Whisperer" I lost 4 pints of blood from a bleeding ulcer, it made me not like that movie very much. What if that was the last movie I saw before I died?
Hmmm thats no fun to think about - how 'bout another question. What's your favorite skittle combo (choose 2).
I don't eat as many skittles to know what each one tastes like. I think I cram a bunch in my mouth. I could never eat one at a time unless I ate a whole bag and there was nothing else to do. This is a hard game. What smell do you like/dislike the most?
Oh good one! LIKE: After rain, oven smells like bread, apples.
DISLIKES: glue, dog breath, Gas passed from complete strangers in a line, gas that smells like food, any part of a group of single guys' house/kitchen/bathroom, vomit, used floss (at the dentist office where I worked and had to throw that stuff away - sick), coffee breath, and mechanic shops.
lol, maybe I should stick to yes/no questions. You'd think we would do really well at one of those newlywed games because our conversations are seriously like this, but I will have forgotten all of this by tomorrow night. Then Joni will ask me a month later what her favorite skittle combination was, and if I don't know, I will be in trouble.
Oh, and sweaty feet. But seriously about the skittles - red and anything (but orange) is great. And ANY three colors are good.
Sweaty feet is a good one, but what about sweaty feet with dirty bum? Sometimes when I am sitting at the computer after work and I take my socks off, mixed with my after lunch smells, I think I could pass out. What if it was someone else? I would die I think.
Okay, I think we could have all gone without hearing that. I still love ya though - stinky socks and all. Remember last week when I teasingly threw my post-run sock your direction and it hit you in the face? Sorry.
Yeah that was pretty mean until I got you back with my socks...I win. What has been your favorite thing about Dallas?
Definately the veiw of the city when I turn the last corner headed to work. The trees clear and all the sudden you see all the tall buildings reflecting the morning sun. That and the brownie parfait at Baylor cafeteria. What about you?
I love the food.
Yeah, food.
lots to choose from
I bet no one makes it this far into the blog. Lets be done soon if you want.
What are you saying you don't want to talk to me anymore? because I could just leave and go to bed if that would make you happy. Would that make you happy?
I think this is a trick question - but I am tired so I'm going to sleep - I get to sleep in tomorrow. Yesssss.
Hey everyone! Joni sleeps with a teddy bear and he has a name. She also has a little baby blanket that she sleeps with...If you just saw Joni's reaction you'd think I am sleeping on the couch tonight.
No comment - I like my bear.
Isn't that a comment?
ah crap.

Wacky weather...wacky thoughts

Yesterday the craziest thing happened. At 4 o'clock it was 88 degrees, 3 hours later it was in the low fifties...talk about your cold front. I guess it isn't that wierd because Logan used to do that a lot too. Come to think of it that isn't very wierd at all, sorry everyone. I guess I am used to the nights not cooling off and now that it finally cooled off at night it has been really wierd. Joni's sister Andrea got here last night to visit for a couple of days, I am starting to think that weather follows some people wherever they go. The cold front is supposed to be here until Sunday when Andrea leaves, then go back to normal...wierd. You can only imagine how people around here were freaking out, you would have thought it was the end of the world...just with everyone wearing beanies and coats instead of burning and dying...that was an inside thought.

Have any of you ever started writing a blog or anything for that matter and then you realize that you don't know why you are even writing and then you want to erase everything and forget about it? I wish sometimes that there was no such thing as backspace or delete so that you could know exactly what people are thinking without having thier writing edited. I bet there are some pretty funny love letters out there that were thrown away before the "real deal" came out. Joni wishes she knew poeple's thoughts sometimes just to hear some of the funny things they think that no one knows about. Ever since I have known Joni she always asks me what I was thinking about at the most random times. At first I didn't like it because I am a private person and sometimes I like to keep thoughts private, but then I started saying some of the thoughts out loud when she asked and it was really funny to hear from another person's perspective how random you can be. Come to think of it, I think everyone should say what they really think more often. It might be kind of scary at first but it actually feels very liberating sometimes. It's also a good way to offend people but hey...no one is perfect. It is funny too how certain thoughts are repeated more often than others. I found out that I think a lot about different super powers. I came to the conclusion that having the power to transport anywhere at anytime with anyone is a pretty tough one to beat. Believe me I have thought this one through a lot...try to beat it. Flying could be cool but what about when you don't want to travel? And what if it was cold? it is COLDER up in the air. I guess that is why I like Joni's sister Andrea, being around her reminds me how funny it is to other people when you speak your initial thoughts out loud. I was trying to post a picture of them but for some reason it won't work, so I apologize for another pictureless blog. I could change the color of the words like last time but it doesn't do the same thing. Maybe next time.

Got Insurance?

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Freddy Mike today and Joel yesterday. I would have sent you a present dad but the money you sent me for my birthday was used towards the postage for your card I sent this morning. I feel bad because I really don't know everyone's birthdays aside from my brothers and sisters...but I don't feel so bad because you probably don't know mine, if you do then I am truly sorry for forgetting. One of my old high school buddies called me to wish me a happy birthday a couple of birthday's ago, and I felt cool that he remembered but then I felt bad that I didn't know his. But then again that was the only time he called in five years so maybe he has birthday touretts syndrome...that was mean.

I wanted to let everyone in on a secret...Utah drivers are no longer considered the worst drivers in history (by Joni and I anyways). Dallas drivers are by FAR the worst drivers I have EVER seen. Even the cops speed and swerve around without using their blinkers. In Utah a yellow light means speed up before it gets red, in Dallas a yellow light means, "oh pretty honey, the light is changing colors", and red means," is it already that close to Christmas?" I think if the language barrier is so bad that you can't read a stop sign then there is a huge problem...and a LARGE percentage of the population is not insured, nor has ever even heard of driver's ed. I think the general consensus here is that if you can reach the pedals, or have previous experience driving a tractor of some sort (including lawn mowers), then you are good for the road. I can't remember but don't you need a drivers license to get you car registered or have insurance? Well not here, I think drivers licenses here are so that when someone finds you on the side of the road, they know that it is truly YOUR wallet they have in thier hands and where to drop you off in case you are hurt. I don't want to share any personal experiences for fear of scaring any small children from coming here, but it is unbelievable how dangerous some people can be behind the wheel. Maybe I am getting old and cranky behind the wheel and I just never noticed it before...nope, thats not it. Speaking of stupid drivers, Joni's brother had someone crash a truck into thier family room a couple of months ago, so maybe I am not the one to complain about bad drivers.

I still remember the first time I drove, I was two or three years old. Somehow I got the car started and going backwards with the doors locked. I was having fun until I saw the look on my brother's face as he was banging on the window telling me to stop. I ended up driving through the garden right into the horse pasture fence. The best thing about the whole ordeal was that we had a perfect little hole in the fence afterwards that we could walk through without the horses getting out. I think I just figured out the whole bad driver thing here...Nascar is HUGE down here, and that explains everyone sitting on thier front porches. I can hear the guy in his rocking chair now, "look Clive, here comes that crazy lawyer in his fancy car again...woooooo!"

Aside from everything I seem to complain about and joke about all of the time, Dallas is a pretty fun place. There are no plans to stay here long term by any means, but I think I am feeling a bit more at home now instead of like I am on some extended vacation.

Downtown

Yesterday Joni and I decided to go downtown and walk around for fun. Dallas is an interesting city, it is VERY quiet. It made me realize how incredibly unique New York City is. I remember Chicago being similar to Dallas but with a lot more history and taxi cabs. There are quite a few tall buildings but all in all, it is like a ghost town because nobody was outside. There is a cool historic west end that we want to check out sometime, lots of restaraunts and clubs that are only open at night. I noticed there is a whole block dedicated to the baptsit church, kind of like temple square but not even close to as pretty. They have a neon sign and a huge conference center where I imagine they have thier televised broadcasts every week. I was watching one for fun the other day on my lunch break and this big black guy was yelling and screaming with sweat pouring down his face, babbling in an unknown language and everyone was dancing around an crying...to be honest it was kind of creepy.

Our favorite place so far has been the grassy knoll, we took some pictures a while back but they didn't turn out, so we did a "drive by" yesterday but the pictures aren't posting, I'll try again later. I really want to go the museums around that area too. The cool thing about the grassy knoll is that there is no monument to commemorate President Kennedy, all there is is a sign saying that this spot has historical significance, and there are two X's painted on the street where the President was shot. The 6th floor window of the book depository is still open and the building is now a museum. The interesting thing is that no one around here ever mentions this spot, probably not something Texans want to be proud of. There are no directions to get there, it just popped up out of nowhere when we first got here and the only reason I knew what it was is because I recognized it from all of my studying in history about that time period. Sorry everyone, I guess the boring history buff slipped out of me for this blog...maybe I should give him a name like Glen does with his sleep walking alter ego...nah.

The book depository building

Dallas World Aquarium...and something in my mouth.

Monday

I found something to do now during the days when I work night shifts and Joni is gone to work...at least temporarily. Joni and I rented the show "My Name is Earl", it could definately be up there with one of my favorite shows now. It is on right before "the Office" so I always catch the end of it but I never really saw the whole show. I was laughing so hard by myself that I would start coughing...maybe I am getting sick...I don't know. Maybe the show just hits so close to home since we are in Texas but who knows, it's really funny. Laughing really is the best medicine sometimes. Last night Joni and I went to Walmart to buy some "safe tread" shoes for her work, we ended up taking almost an hour to get there because of the rediculous freeway traffic at all hours in this city, but it was fun because we had some good conversations on the way there. Joni is a pretty funny and goofy girl, her personality along with her genuine kindness and regard to everyones feelings is what really drew me to her. Its funny how growing up the littlest things can influence you. I remember in fourth grade my mom picked me up from school and we gave a girl I kind of liked a ride on the way home. This girl ended up making fun of one of our neighbors because of some boots that she wore when she was fishing, I could tell my mom was just grinding her teeth...needless to say I stopped liking that girl pretty quick. I guess it's not really what you say sometimes, but how you say it.

I don't know if it was how we were raised or what, but I have never been able to understand people who pick on those who are different. For some reason I always felt a close bond to the kid who was picked on, or the kid who was different. I really feel for the first time in my life that I am headed in the right direction in my career, going into human resource management. It is funny how everything falls into place...I seriously picked it out one day because of a school counselor I was talking to, she gave me a magazine to read and told me that if I liked it, that I should look into hr as a career. So here I am, having never taken a class in human resource management, but I know it is what I want to do. I have been working a little bit each week learning the ropes with my hr manager just to get some experience and it is awesome to feel like I finally belong somewhere. I love the idea of playing "police" when the big shot business man tries to do something shady, or being that intermediary between the employee and the law, or hiring, interviewing and training new employees. I sound really boring but I think I found my little place and it feels good.

Utah State finally won behind a freshman quarterback who was the local high school hero last year, it takes someone from the Cache valley to understanad the lack of respect the football team has, and deservingly so, but maybe he can turn it around.

Broncos tonight! feel free to call me and update me even though I will be at work, and I don't have ESPN...I listen to messages. Even though it is Monday it is like my Friday today, tomorrow is my first day off from both jobs in about 4 weeks, then back to the grind.

ramen and meatballs

Just another midnight post. I get working so hard on my late shifts that when I get home it takes me awhile to settle down. Last night our friends Josh and Amanda stayed here with thier two little girls on thier way to Houston, where they will be living for a while. It is cool to not feel so alone out here in the "lone" star state...now we have freinds from Logan in Texas, even though they are still 4 hours away. I want to see how many people we can cram into our one bedroom apartment, so everyone is invited at a future date. Last night was the second night we actually "hung out" with another couple since moving here, the last time was when we had dinner with a girl in Joni's internship and her husband who is studying to be a baptist minister.

Anyways...I have been hearing about everyone deciding what they wanted to be for halloween and I am getting a bit jealous. The lion and the lamb ideas are already taken (I want to be the lamb, Joni can be the lion), my e-wok costume is long gone and probably too hot here anyways, I have already dressed up like a woman too many times so I can't do that anymore, and Meg already has dibs on the "queen of the devils", so I am squandering for ideas now. Last time Joni and I dressed up I was Zorro and she was my hot latin lady. I thought the mask would be a good diguise but everyone recognized me at the halloween dance. probably because Zorro couldn't hide his double chin, or his big goofy smile because he thought he was really Zorro. It was funny because I grew the real mustache and soul patch but I had to use mascara to make it look better, then every time we had our picture taken I couldn't keep a straight face...I can't smile like Zorro I guess. By the way, don't tell me to dress up like white trash because everyone around here will ask why I am not wearing a costume. Joni took me to a monster truck rally a couple years ago...I wore a camo Ford hat and a flanel with the sleeves cut off, and I bought Joni a "Gravedigger" shirt and we fit right in...we still have those costumes by the way. We are trying to keep them all so that we can have a chest full of costumes like I used to have as a kid, those were some good memories. So I have my own little recipe I want to share with everyone...healthy or not it is my new pre-bedtime snack (it actually sounds more like a meal than a snack). I cook ramen noodles, but instead of using the little packet for flavor, I drain the water and put the noodles in a frying pan and drench them in teriyaki(had to look in the fridge to spell it) sauce. Then I add my favorite little meatballs (from a bag) and thats it. You cook it just long enough until the noodles are sticky from the sauce. It works out great because Joni likes to drink the sauce packets I don't use as a broth, so everyone is happy. Just don't use too much teriyaki. I need a name for it now, just don't tell me ramen and meatballs because that is its temporary name until we think of something cooler.

the fair

Ever heard of fried coke? that's what I am popping into my mouth. It was actually pretty good. Coke flavored batter in coke syrup with whip cream and cinnamon. Joni got a fried snickers...some of the other fried choices were fried cheesecake, peanut butter and jelly with banana, oreos, pickles and many more. Joni and I decided to go to the Texas state fair this weekend to have some fun, it was the most gigantor fair I have ever been to. It was really fun but REALLY hot. 96 degree Texas heat when you are outside for over four hours is nuts. I don't remember fairs being as expensive as this one was, maybe it was because my mom always gave me money. We were really excited when we had a little book of coupons to do whatever we wanted with, until we realized that each ride was like 500 coupons a piece. We ended up going on the famous 215 foot ferris wheel and that was about it. We ended up getting a lot of exercise though from all of the walking...when it was all said and done, a fair is a fair anywhere you go...fun to experience until you remember when you told yourself last time you probably wouldn't go again. The fried stuff was definately the highlight.

View from the ferris wheel, the cotton bowl is off to the right. My "crazy" weekend turned out okay, I called in sick one day because Joni finally had a free weekend and I wanted to take advantage of the rare time we could spend together. It is funny calling in sick when you are not really sick, I hadn't done that since school days. I always feel like I owe a lot more to my work than I really do so it was good to fake it once. When in doubt, use the "I ate something bad" routine...it never fails.

It's late but I had to put this picture up. I was sitting in the lobby at Baylor waiting for a freind to carpool to a meeting and I had my camera in my purse. I got looking at old pictures and well... I thought I should share this gem.
- JONI

I want to pet a dolphin

Now I know I am addicted to this whole blog thing because I have been trying to think of when I would blog again with my crazy schedule the next couple of days, so I had to get one in now or else not write again for a few days. I am seriously improving as far as typing goes because of it...not that I am fast, but I am not a "two finger" typer anymore. I think it is healing to write sometimes. Speaking of healing, I think caffeine is my magic medicine. It probably sounds bad because caffeine is a drug of sorts, but every time I have an upset stomach or a headache, coke is better than any other medicine. I used to think my headaches would be caused from caffeine even though I never drank that much, so I didn't drink any for nine months...that didn't help at all, it actually made it worse. I think I inherited my mom's drug problem...that sounds kind of funny without an explanation. We are both so affected by any drug, even the smallest amount of pain killer from surgery or what not knocks us out. Not only that, but we can be highly entertaining to other people from the side effects (including large amounts of drool and dancing on hospital beds). I can vaguely remember coming out of surgery from my knee and I was just staring at people in the rooms next to me and giggling because I couldn't look away, then singing at the top of my lungs to Celine Dion in the car ride home.

So now I am TOTALLY awake because I drank a coke an hour before bed...at least I feel better.
I call Joni the "sixth sense" now because every time I walk into the kitchen after she has been there, all of the cupbards are left open...kind of creepy. I also have a very small bladder which my mom seems to have as well (you can already see what the smallest drug can do to my random thoughts). I can't drink any thing before a movie because without fail, I will have to go to the bathroom in the most important part of the movie. The worst was when I was watching the Lord of the Rings during the part near the end when the dam breaks and a huge flood ensues. I couldn't believe I held it...but I have to say I broke the world record for the longest time going to the bathroom. I don't mean to be graphic but two different people went to the bathroom in the urinals next to me, washed thier hands and left before I was done. Anyways, tomorrow I work one job from 7am to 1pm, then my other job from 2-11pm...then I do the same thing Saturday. I can handle the work, but I think it is the "mental"aspect of it all. I don't like being "controlled" every single day. I told my new boss today that I don't want to work the part time job more than 10 hours a week now, so once I get past these next few days it should be a lot better. Well, I have to go to the bathroom again, bye for now.

Tweny Seven

I was thinking the other day about life as a twenty seven year old and I got to thinking, it is a lot different than I thought it would be when I was a kid. I am not saying I am not happy with my life, because I am, it is just funny to try and remember a child's perspective on life. First of all, super belly button power doesn't really work...I used to swear by it as a kid. For those of you who don't know what that is, it was something we used to do (sticking a finger in your belly button then "shocking" the body into warp speed mode) to clean the house up in the fastest manner possible so that when the tv commercial break was over, you could get back to the show. Well, I tried it the other day and I ended up just sitting there the whole time...it's just not the same anymore...maybe when we have kids it will work again. Where did the fifteen million boxes of legos we had end up? I still get urges to play legos, and tear off all of my church clothes in the car on the way home so that I can be the first one "ready" and changed to play. It is harder to do that while driving now but I still try. I still remember wanting to own a cleaning business as a kid...how weird was I? What, did I really picture myself driving a ferrari around with all my 27 year old make believe friends after cleaning the house with all of the other maids? Who knows, it is still a possibility. Something crazy happened a few years ago when my dad was offered a cleaning business from a client, when he told me about it I got scared because my childhood dream could have come true, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go there. Then I was a window washer for a couple of years...maybe I am destined for greatness in the cleaning business after all. Give me a few more years and I could be the new spokesperson for Mr. Clean (the bald guy with his ear pierced). So I guess some things are what I thought they would be too...I bet money that my dad still laughs like a donkey at the roadrunner and coyote show.

I still feel like I am destined to do something great, maybe everyone feels that way. Whether it is being on the Price is Right, getting a record in Guiness Book, making millions from an invention or business, not picking my nose anymore, or just being happy at home with family. Something I WILL do that I wanted to do as a kid is end up living near family. This whole Texas experience is fun, but I can't wait to end up somewhere near everyone. Let's all plan a place to end up because if you are reading this, I probably like you.

27 rounds up to 30!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL!!

This is my first post on our blog, I figured I should give Paul a break and write about stuff we did this weekend to celebrate. We had an early morning B-day party today because Paul decided he wanted cake for breakfast. I had to post the pics below because Paul was blowing frantically to put out all the candles and then he got really dizzy and had to lay down. Maybe that means we are getting a little old, who knows - but it made me laugh really hard.

Between Paul's 2 jobs and my work, studying and researching I feel like we are strangers some days. So I took the weekend off and we have done loads of cool stuff. Friday night we went to a movie and out to dinner. Saturday we played tennis all afternoon, went swimming, then out to dinner again at Duke's Roadhouse. This place seriously had a separate section for motorcycle parking, and Paul's chicken fried steak was twice as big as my face. We came home and watched Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, hilarious by the way. I had never seen it!

This morning after blowing out the B-day candles, Paul regained his stregth and is now watching The Beast Master (one of my fav movies when I was little) on Sci-Fi. This weekend seriously rules .

I really have had no reason to post this cartoon other than it mad me giggle a little.

So the other night I had this strange dream that my fingers were swelling uncontrollably. In the dream I got really worried that my ring finger would get severed if I didn't get my wedding ring off quickly so I pulled it off and held it in my hand. Well, about 4am I happened to wake up because I heard a little "clink" above my head. Then I realized my ring finger was empty. I had dropped the ring behind the head of the bed; it's a good thing I have become a light sleeper lately because we may not have found that thing until we moved out of this apartment. Scary.

Well, I had better get back to stuff but I just wanted to say hello to everyone, I may not comment on the blogs but I love to read them every day!! See ya'll later - JONI

Look mom...a swimsuit model

Okay, very short blog today. I am taking the bad picture thing one step further. Until Utah State scores an offensive touchdown, I promise to post a horrible picture once a week. I was thinking about doing it until they won a game...but come on, who has that many bad pictures. Seriously, losing to BYU 38-0 is an embarrassment. If that was the one game they won all year long I would be happy. But this just takes the whole alma mater thing to a horrifying level. Maybe they need me in the crowd again, or maybe I could recruit some of the junior high kids I saw playing football today. Either way, anything is an improvement. To be honest, I am seriously mad that I posted these pictures. I knew Joni would do it so I wanted to beat her to it...boy did I show her.

Eating Habits

First of all, Joni is going to kill me when she finds out that I posted that picture. Joel left a challenge to find some flattering photos, I found a lot but I won't post them yet. I just found this one of Joni when she must have seen a spider or something. I don't know why I posted the other one, I just had such a devilsih look in my eyes and Steve would appreciate all of the color in the photgraph. I am still giggling like a little girl when I think about the picture Joel posted on his new blog, check out joelsdumbblog.blogspot.com....sorry, had to giggle again. If you are wondering what it is I am looking at in the picture, it is a zinger (twinkie) with a cheeto, 2 peanut butter m&m's, a cold shrimp, and a skittle dipped in tarter sauce. Joni's brother dared me to eat it on New Year's Eve...I did of course but the funny thing is that he got sick the next day for doing it too. It wasn't that bad if you separate all of the tastes. In Chile I would always make eggs with hot dogs on toast, with jam, cheese and caramel. So I was better prepared I guess.
I met a guy in Chile with no teeth but he loved apples. Of course that made me wonder how he ate apples so I asked him for a demonstration. He grabbed an apple in his hand, and violently slammed it four or five times against the wall without breaking the skin, then slurped the apple right out of the skin...probably one of the funniest things I remember seeing. Funny how we all have our little "things" when eating. Before my endoscopy, I would get the hickups without fail after eating. Joni has her little habit of making every bite the best bite ever. She lines up all of the little sauces and delicately picks up the best looking part of each food group, it is pretty amazing to watch. My mom doesn't eat anything, then proceeds to call herself "fat". Dad magically makes the food go from the table to his stomach within seconds. Joel never fails to have some of the food remaining somewhere on his body, and Glen just eats...a lot. I think Steve must be the happy, quiet eater. Melecia...well, I don't remember but I am sure giggling is involved. I would like to know if there is a female out there who doesn't prefer what is on everyone else's plate to her own. Does that exist? Even if I order two plates of what I am eating, my plate always looks the best. Question, what is the most disgusting thing you have ever had? For me...I think liver or seaweed soup is up there on the top of the list.

Dirty dishes

I am sitting here in a messy house trying to figure out what smell is coming from the kitchen, which makes me wonder...why do I wait several days sometimes to do the dishes? I can smell a little bit of the Eggo waffles and syrup I had this morning, and some of the chicken I made last night...It is kind of making me hungry. I don't even want to begin to guess what is in the trash can. Now before you go judging me thinking I am disgusting, I will clean it all up...but why do I let it all pile up? One thing I never did was resort to wearing a pair of underwear from the dirty clothes pile, that is gross. I don't know how someone could do that...same thing with wearing the same clothes for more than two days in a row. I say two days because working at Lowes absolutely destroys my clothes so I have this little plan to change my shirt but wear the same pair of pants to get maximum use for two days, then they can get washed. Think about how gross people had to smell back in the day when they only had one pair of pj's. I used to think girls were so weird because they would only bathe or wash their hair a couple times a week...I must be getting gross in my older years because now waiting a couple of days to wash my noggin seems pretty normal...and bathing every day seems excessive, unless sweat is invloved. Maybe it has to do with not taking showers in the morning anymore. When I have to go into work at 5:30AM, I want to get the maximum amount of sleep so I wake up 15 minutes before I leave (just enough time to eat).
Hearing everyone talk about the cold weather makes me thankful to be here after the hellishly hot summer. It is still in the 90's and should stay in the 80's for a couple more months...then it gets "freezing" here as the locals say at a chilling 60 degrees. To their credit I hear the nights get down into the 30's. It is funny to hear people around here complain about the cold, really wimpy.
I cannot wait until the season premeire of "The Ofiice" tonight, on NBC at 7:30. Super funny show, but you have to have the right sense of humor for it. I have to admit I get a little giddy like I do for Broncos games before hand. Speaking of the Broncos, I am excited to see the game since it is at night on my B-Day...lets hope it'll bring them some luck. It's funny because I was more excited to see the game than I was mad about missing church since I work during the day...sounds kind of bad, but it IS the Broncos. When I go to hell I'll just explain that my family introduced me to my addiction...that might just work. Time to clean up.

Dog Training

Today I started the real hands on training at my work. My new superviosr got her masters degree in conversation conflict management...I didn't even know there was such a thing. You might as well call it dog training with people...degree. She is the type of person that talks to you like you are three years old, and if you look away from her for a second she says, "look at me...now repeat what I just said". I am beginning to understand the cliche about men being slaves to big women. When I do something right I find that I look at her to throw me a bone or something...it's really weird...kind of out of my element. How is it that every job is the most important job in the world? ...I'll explain. I got this job thinking it would be low stress and easy, but it is actually worse than my management job at Lowe's. How hard is it to scan cards and answer a phone? That's what I thought, but then everyone makes a huge deal if I answer the phone a different way or forget to say the person's name when I check them in. All the people want to do is come work out, but all the employees started freaking out when the District Manager came for a visit. I seriously can't call a person out loud who is ten feet away, I have to page them. As a manager at Lowes I find myself getting upset at relatively stupid things as well...its weird. I will never shop the same again now that I have been in the retail business. It is amazing what some people expect and how upset people can get about the dumbest things. Don't get me wrong, sometimes there is reason to get mad, but having to smile and listen to people vent is really frustrating. Maybe I should be like my dad and just fall asleep. I couldn't imagine the frustration of hearing people tell you about their problems ALL day long. Dad, how do you do it?
That reminds me of a HUGE pet peeve of mine...I absolutley hate it when girls call me "honey" or "sweetie". That goes back to the Big woman thing, having control over little men. Women have to know how degrading it is, or maybe I am the only one who doesn't like it. I remember a few years back we were going to Hannah's baptism in Colorado and my car broke down in Wyoming. We drove all the way back to Provo and then when we got back and told my dad we weren't going to make it he started talking to me like a baby' "oh little pauwy broke his widdle twuck?" I was mad, I don't think my dad realizes how mad I was at that moment. I have since gotten over it but the baby talk thing stuck with me. So call me bitter when I get treated like a little booger at work, but that's the way it is. We get free passes to work out, so it is pretty cool though. Just remember the next time you get mad at some poor little college kid at the supermarket because you can't find the tampons and he doesn't know what a tampon is, remember that he is a normal peron too just trying to make some cash.

Observations

Congrats to the Broncos for winning the ugliest game ever, but hey, a win is a win...especially against the Cheifs. Also, congratulations to Utah State for being the worst football team in all of college football. They have had convincing losses (20-0,38-7, and 48-0), and without an offensive td yet this season. At least when I went to school there they made you think that you could win until the fourth quarter, unlike now when the game clock starts, people already start leaving in order to avoid the crowds and get home faster. I love how all the football players acted like they were so cool when you saw them in the hall, then they got mad if you didn't cheer when they were down 189 to 0. I never booed though, I will never boo any of my teams under any circumstances, just express frustration by throwing a pillow or writing a blog.
I started my other job on Saturday. It was funny because there is a camera above me that so that I can see myself all of the time on tv. I never noticed that I have a little bald patch on the back of my head. I always thought I could hang on to that a little bit longer, but all I can see on camera is the glow of my big white spot (my head) and my little white spot (also my head). The funny thing about being bald is that in the back of my mind I am always 18 years old and really, really rediculously good looking...then I look in the mirror and remember that I am almost 27. It happens a lot, does that happen to anyone else?

Happy Birthday to Gayle and Jo Ann, the big 50. I still remember the funniest birthday card I have ever read, Joel gave it to my mom a LONG time ago...There was an enormous ship being unloaded on a dock by a big crane with the phrase, "congratulations, your birthday candles have arrived!".

Joni and I went to the mall to watch people the other day. That is the only way I will go along...or if food is invloved. It is amazing how much people dress like thier friends and partners...and how people look like their cars and their dogs. If you haven't noticed it is amazing to watch, from the same shirts and hair styles, to shoes and tucking in and out your shirt. Airports are even more fun because there is a wider variety of peolple there. It is creepy too because so many couples look like they could be siblings, but then again in Texas maybe they are.

Dancing

I apologize in advance to Joni's family for these "blackmail" pictures that I found in our archives. We had a video but it was erased so I'll let you use your imaginations. One night we were all sitting around thinking of what to do while listening to music. One thing I love about Joni's family is that they are a creative bunch and there is never a moment of boredom. If we are all outside and there are rocks nearby, you can bet we will make up a game involving an impossible throw and a prize in the end...and sometimes even a person running back and forth like one of those duck targets at the fair trying not to get hit by flying rocks. I thought it was the funniest thing that Joni used to play a game involving dirt clods, bags, and trees when she was little (fourteen) and found entertainment by it, but that's what you have to do in a small town like Vernal. Anyways, we were all listening to a Michael Jackson CD, (he used to be really cool believe it or not) and Joni's brother brought up the idea to have a dance off and whoever had the stick in their hands had to dance. It was one of those things that you imagined being really funny but that you would never do. Well, I have the photos to prove it...the pics are of Gayle, Joni's aunt Jo Ann, Andrea, and me with the stick between my legs.











It was one of those moments that you wake up the next morning and hope you didn't do anything to offend every member of your wife's family...and I will forever have the images of everyone dancing in my head. There are countless moments in my life when I had such a severe laugh attack that I lost feeling and control in my limbs and the veins popped out of my big forhead as I sweat off about ten pounds...that or my acid reflux likes to kick in when I laugh...and that night was one of them. That's why families are so cool, you could be the village idiot and they still love you in the end.

Speaking of the village idiot, has anyone ever seen Martha Stewart's tv show? I can't believe that lady can make a living on tv. It was like watching a bad accident...I couldn't turn away. She has the most awkward moments of anyone else on tv that I have ever seen. I seriously feel bad for the people who come on to her show as guests. If I ever become famous and go on tour, I will call in sick when she invites me to her show, but I guess I won't have to worry about that...being famous.

Texas style wrestling

Sometimes I forget that I started a blog. I always check out other blogs in my family and I think how hard that would probably be to start a blog or how much time it would take to do write one all of the time...then I remember that I have one...sweet. Joni says I should put more pictures in the blog, and she is right, but I don't know how cool that would be to show a different picture of me or Joni every day. I could take a picture every day and show my age progression, then you could just scroll down with the mouse and see my hair fall out and turn gray over time...Joni would always look the same. Some guy at my work a while back asked if Joni was my daughter, I seriously couldn't beleive it. I know I look older than I am but come on. I remember in college when I lived with Glen and Joel, everyone thought that I was the oldest, or at least older than Joel...what do you say to that?...Thanks? Those were some fun times. I can't beleive I live in Texas and no one here knows about Texas style wrestling. For those of you who don't know what Texas style wrestling is, let me tell you. It's one of those trick things, you have to pick out some one who is really gullable (but won't cry), then you put a sleeping bag over thier head and tell them that they have to keep it on the whole time. Meanwhile, they think they are wrestling someone else in a sleeping bag, but what is really happening is that everyone watching is beating up on them. That sounds really mean but it is pretty funny to watch. This one time we ended up dragging this girl into some apartment and leaving her there...it was great...I can only imagine her face when she came out of the bag and saw a bunch of people she didn't know looking at her.

That reminds me of another fun game, rolling down the stairs in sleeping bags. Last time I was in Salt Lake I was trying to teach Carter how to do it. I really don't remember it hurting as much back then as it does now, plus kids must be smarter these days because Carter wouldn't do it but he insisted on watching me pulverize my tailbone over and over again. I just kept on doing it for some reason...maybe I am the one who got duped into it..anything to please a crowd I guess. Maybe I could invent Texas style wrestling in Texas. Has anyone ever heard of pouring peanuts into coke, then slurping them down? People around here think I am crazy because I have never heard of it. Maybe I will try it and let ya'll know how it goes. I am thinking about buying a cheap pair of golf clubs, any suggestions?

What happened to the Broncos?

It is hard to believe that five years have passed since the twin towers fell, Joni and I have been watching some shows on tv about some of the firemen on some home video footage that has been pretty cool. I remember one of the most memorable things about going to New York was going to ground zero. I hate to admit I wasn't excited to go see it, but it was totally worth it. There was an incredibly sad and empty feeling standing there next to all of the construction even though I had never even seen the towers up close in real life. I remember that day it all happened, I was cutting some oak shelves for a customer on a panel saw at work in the lumber yard...everyone kept telling me things were happening but my boss wouldn't even let me take a break to see what was going on, I didn't find out the extremity of everything until that evening when I got home...stupid boss.

Today I memorialized that moment five years ago by counting a billion little knick knacks for inventory. Imagine cleaning out someone else's closet that is only about 50,000 square feet...that's inventory. After the first ten hours my deodorant starts to fade a little, and my head gets really sticky from all of the sweat. I can't help but smell my armpits over and over again just to see if the smell gets any worse every ten seconds...but then my shirt sticks to my head every time I sniff. Not only do I sniff but I have to get in a HUGE sniff to make sure. Am I the only one who does that? I get really self conscious about smells from the body because I just can't understand how some people can't notice how bad they smell. In high school this guy in choir had the worst case of poo breath I had ever smelled...then I started wondering if I smelled like that. So I brought 4 breathmints to school everyday, one for every other period so that I could not possibly have stinky breath. So I wonder if I need to buy a holster for a canister of deodorant that I can use at free will when I feel like I stink. They should make air fresheners that can hang from your pit hair, or little fans in shirts...I think I am on to something

Brunette

So this girl shows up at my door today and she looks like Joni but her hair is four inches shorter and very, very dark. If anyone knows where my wife is please let me know, in the meantime this brunette will do. Just kidding Joni, I really like it...I just can't stop looking at her because it is a pretty big change. The kind of change that a dog would bark at because he doesn't recognize her.

This is actaully the second time I have seen her hair like this. When we first started dating it was similar to this color and above her shoulders. I always liked it, so I am pretty sure I like it now. I cut my hair today too...I thought about putting my picture on here but it pretty much looks like every haircut I have had since about 2003. Joni and I played some mean raquetball last night...I am figuring out her little secret. She has a laugh attack...possibly a fake one...and then whacks the ball right where she wants it when I am most vulnerable. I am trying to get her to play tennis because I think she could be pretty good, I even bought "Deep Woods Off" so that we could drench ourselves in that heavenly smell to play with the mosquitos outside. I am getting really excited for football season but also very depressed because I can't get many Broncos games around here. It is the ultimate torture that one of my least favorite teams...the Cowboys...is king around here. The other day I had orientation for my other job at 24 hour fitness, and everyone got on the subject of football and Terrel Owens...I couldn't resist, I told the district manager who was doing the orientation that the Cowboys stink and I hate Terrel Owens. Just before I was about to be fired I told him I was a life-long Broncos fan...you might as well bring out the noose and hang me right there. I didn't make many friends. Come to think of it that has become one of my favorite hobbies...making Texans mad, because it is really easy to do. It was weird because we were talking in a group about brand names and they started making fun of how "yankees" say "pop" instead of "coke". "Coke" means any drink here, and they think we are weird for calling it what it should be. That's another thing, the word "yankee" is used for people who are not Texans, or who are stuck up, or anything else for that matter. I think if we end up moving back to Utah next year then we will have to leave at night so no one knows that we are leaving Texas because that would be the unpardonable sin. Anyways, let me know how the Broncos look as ya'll watch the games with your yankee friends with cokes in their hands. God bless Texas!

Our new car

FINALLY...the moment you have all been waiting for, actually Joni and I have but I don't know if everyone else is...we finanally drove home our car and we wanted to show off some pictures before the windows get bashed in next time we go to Target. Driving home in a new car is fun, you can't help but look all around in it, looking in the glove box (jockey box... for those of you from small towns who need an interpretation), looking at the spare tire and behind the seats...pretty much everything that you will probably never look at again, let alone care about a month from now. Then the next step is to check out what accessoires to add from Walmart like a cool new scent..or maybe even splurge and buy a steering wheel cover...we are not going to do that but I just thought of an old friend who bought a hideous white furry cover that ended up looking like a nappy cat a month later. We will definately buy a scent though. I think it is funny when people buy the "new car" scent when they drive an old beater, and there are fast food wrappers everywhere. Or when you buy a vanilla scent but there is an old vanilla popsicle stuck between the seats anyways. I personally like the "pine cone" scent because I can use it as a deodorant and car sanitizer all in one, if people ask I just tell them I was in a pine cone fight and it starts up a fun conversation, try it sometime.

I came up with a theory about being busy (another random and weird conversation Joni and I had while trying to go to sleep). We decided that everyone thinks they are busy all of the time, so here is proof to know if you are really a busy person. No matter what you do during the day, if you get 7 or more hours of sleep, you are not busy. This of course does not count sleep deprived individuals, but it does count naps. For instance... in case you are slow with math... if you sleep for six hours at night, then take at least an hour nap at work, you are not busy. If you sit around all day watching tv, that can be busy to someone, as long as you get your sleep. Lots of crappy things happen on a dialy basis, and life will always be like that, but get your sleep and everything that happens to you will just be another part of your day, and you don't even have to say that you were busy. So next time you think you have a million things on your plate, count how many hours of sleep you got, then tell me whether you are a busy person or not. Good theory eh? That reminds me of yet another great quote, this one from Joni's sister Andrea. "I am a GREAT multi-tasker, just don't bother me while I am thinking and I can do anything." I am always thankful for the people in my life that can make me laugh, whether it is at their expense or my own.

Wrestling at Work

I don't really watch pro wrestling on tv, I never really liked the stuff...plus my mom would always comment on how much she hated it when I would leave it on the wrestling channel, which actually caused me to watch at times just to be annoying. Anyways, I have seen enough wrestling to know a few characters and to know how the whole wrestling theatre works...now I am just getting random. But I figured out why I like my job...I feel like a WWF promoter with the size and personalities of some of the guys I work with. I am just a little scared that someday one of them will try to break a chair over my back or throw me onto a table. For starters, This one guy who just started is seven feet tall...not kidding. And he isn't a beanpole, this guy has to weigh half a ton. Then there is my team leader who is nothing other than the spitting image of "the Rock", I was trying to joke around the other day and when he came in to work I said, "Can you smelllll what the Rock is cookin!"...I think I peed myself a little when he didn't smile at first, actually he never smiles, but I think he liked it a little...I hope he liked it a little. Then there is the "small" one. He is about 6'4", loaded with 275 pounds of Texas soul power. He has brothers who play football at Wisconsin and SMU, and still has a little chip on his shoulder I think that he didn't make it. I think the one time I made him laugh was when I was trying to break a piece of plywood in half by propping it up next to a wall...then I ran and jumped feet first full steam, and that plywood didn't break one bit...the whole momentum came back at me and I was launched onto my back on the ground. I was soo glad that someone saw it because I would have been mad to complete such a feat without anyone watching. Actually he laughed really hard again today when I hit my head on a steel beam...I'll do anything to please a crowd I guess. Then there is the former Golden Glove boxing champion, he is older but he looks like Hulk Hogan, handlebar mustache included, you can hear the guy laugh across the store. And finally my partner in crime Santiago "Jimmy" Martinez, about my height but has about four of my dad's bellies, I call him the cuadroople scoop. He wishes he was black and talks with a lisp, still trying to grow a mustache since he was 12. You can imagine how fun and interesting it is to work around a bunch of guys all day that could twist me into a pretzel. It's fun to be the minority, in Utah everyone is skinny and white, here I stick out like a sore thumb. Anyways, sorry to bore you with stuff about my work but I thought you might like to know who I work with every day. I think I might be a fan of wrestling now...sorry mom.

By the way, I can't resist this one...I would like to congratulate my dad on learning how to navigate the internet last night. He called me last night to figure out how to get onto my blogsite, and I explained for 15 minutes what to type into the address bar (and what the address bar is). I think that maybe he still has all of his stocks and investments in the business of slave trading and that the internet is just a fad. Sorry dad, if you can still read this...CONGRATULATIONS!

Freddy Mike

I just thought of a funny story about my dad that I had to write down before I forgot. I am supposed to be doing dishes right now to surprise Joni with a clean house when she gets home but I couldn't resist a blog...sorry Joni. Glen got me thinking when he was talking about Freddy Mike being a lead foot when he drives. I don't know if I ever told anyone about this one but for those of you who know my dad, just picture his reaction to the whole thing. It was near the end of the summer when I was still in high school, and I was headed over to Colorado for a visit. Dad picked me up in his sporty little Taurus SHO at the airport and just as soon as I was in the car we were flying 90 miles per hour down the highway in order to get to the house for an emergency nap or something...I don't know. Dad was losing his patience as usual and I was feeling a bit nervous as the cars we were passing were like dark colored blurs...I felt kinda like I was in the movie Tron. We came up on two unsuspecting cars driving side by side but we weren't slowing down and there wasn't much room to get between them...that's when it happened. Freddy Mike started hollering, "I can't stop. I can't stop!" We proceeded to drive between the two cars (on a two lane road)...I must add their expressions were pretty good too as they were trying to figure out what we were doing, then I looked down at his feet and he was pushing in the clutch with all of his might as the brake peddle sat there unbothered thinking to itself, "I am right here Mikey dear". He finally figured out what was going on when he took off his cool sunglasses to look down at his feet. No one was harmed but it made for a pretty funny converasation the rest of the way home. He just kept repeating, "For crud sakes, I just don't know how that happened". Its the moments like that summer day that make me thankful to have a family and parents that aren't by any means "normal". Dysfunctional families are the best! Which reminds me, dad if you are reading this I expect this and many more of your children's truthful accounts to get published in your genealogy book that you are writing. We need to have a record of where all of this abnormality came from. That doesn't mean you are excluded either mom "crazy socks" berger.

Thursday Afternoon

I think I am going to kill my neighbors dog. They have one of those little furry rat dogs that just yelp all day long, I have no idea why anyone would ever want one of those things. I am cringing right now every time I hear the little weenie yelp. I actually saw a lady in the airport last time we were there with her little dog in a "doggie purse" that even had mesh and everything so that the dog could see out. When did that become cool to treat your dog like a baby? Why is that cute and cuddily? I am letting out a little steam about a pet peeve of mine because this dog next door has not stopped yelping...not just barking...but sobbing and whining all morning long. For some reason my dad decided to cross into the small dog threshold and now he is addicted to westy's. I have never smelled a dog with worse gas than a westy, and I don't know many dogs that throw up as much as they do. Then when you make a comment about a small dog, everyone seems to come to the dogs defense...as if it can understand. I made a little dog want to pee himself the other day at work. A little chiuahah was sitting in a shopping cart...like a baby is supposed to...and when its owner left I growled at it, and he started shivering uncontrollably. You can't imagine the owners reaction when they saw how scared the little guy got when he was left alone. I am sure they rewarded him with a new shirt or something. We have a cat hospital in Dallas, I am not kidding. One of Joni's friends from her internship had a sick cat and she took it to the cat hospital where they hooked it up to an IV and was nursed back to health. Must have been the bird flu...sorry I couldn't resist that horrifying pun. By the way, speaking of animals...It is good to know that when I mention the word "ponies" that you all go into random thought mode from my last blog (see comments). Ya'll are too much.

Living in Dallas, Texas is one of the most intersting experiences I have had in recent memory. The weather is bearable now...it will still take me a while to understand the way of the south "Texas style". We like it here and the people are fun most of the time, but we still have yet to understand why so many people call Texas "heaven on earth". I don't want to say anything else in case a Texan reads my blog and gets all riled up because Texas pride is for real. They have a segment on the news called "Don't mess with Texas" about someone who does something to harm the environment or Texas lifestyle every day. As if all of the oil drilling and Dairy Queens in EVERY town (not kidding) help the environment. Oh well, pride can be a good thing sometimes. Just don't try and covince me that dogs are humans...especially little ones.

Stress

The last few days have gone by way too fast, Joni and I have both had a lot on our plates. We both had 12 hour work days today after a weekend of chaos. We need to take a karate class or something to iliminate the stress. Isn't it funny how people do really annoying things to you when you are stressed? Or maybe certain things aren't noticeable until you get all wound up. It reminds me of the part on Christmas Vacation when Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase) finally has had enough and he goes on a terror with a chainsaw cutting down trees and the banister rail. Sometimes you just need a chainsaw to make you feel better I guess...I don't mean that in a scary psychotic kind of way. As soon as we get the car I will post a picture, I was thinking of posing in my bathing suit on the hood of the car or something...what do you think? For now we have a loaner until the new car gets a fender thingy fixed. Having a loaner car is really stressful, knowing it is not yours and that you are liable for damage...but then again, gas is free and you can "test" the accelorator at stoplights against teenagers in their rice rockets. Writing about being stressed is even funnier because when you realize how stupid the things are that you are stressed about are not a big deal in the whole scheme of things, being stressed just comes down to mind games...and I hate mind games, I like ponies.

What a Day

I didn't want to blog today because I was actually getting tired of myself beleive it or not. That stinks when you are annoying to yourself...Joni does that a lot, she starts a story and then out of nowhere she'll say "I'm tired of hearing my voice" and she'll stop talking...weird. Last night we tried to find a restaraunt downtown that is cheap and really good, but we ended up getting lost. After driving around for over an hour we ending up eating at some tex-mex place 2 blocks from our house. This morning we went to get some papers out of the green machine, and found it with the windows busted out, the dashboard on the front seat and the stereo gone. I think the theives tried to steal the car but it doesn't run...I would have liked to see their faces when they found that out, or when they realize how crappy the stereo is. It was funny because while I was there the Target "security" officer rode by on his golf cart and didn't even look at me...maybe he thought I was the one breaking in and he didn't want to bother me, or do his job. Then I found out that our insurance didn't cover the car. What to do? Cash for cars man, the green machine is gone. I didn't have a choice, it is better to get a couple hundred out of it than to let someone tow it away tonight and cash in. I spent Saturday getting approved for a loan and buying a car...I still feel like throwing up a little, it just comes up bits at a time whenever I think about what we have just done, but I couldn't be happier that Joni has a good car now. The Rangers game was fun (see pics), the drive was eventful because of a huge accident on the freeway and there was also a Cowboys game at the same time. I'm trying to download a picture of Joni's car, if it works...nope, didn't work. It is a Suzuki Aerio, looks like a distorted picture of a wagon, like it has been smooshed...kind of like one of those pug dogs.

Swimming by Myself

Our pool in the summer, or is
that Yellowstone...I forget


Water walking? thanks for the pic Jubby


Today was too hot and I am sick of the West Nile garbage so I went swimming. I can't remember going swimming by myself that often in the past, but it was definately worth it. There isn't a care in the world when you are in the water, until you smell urine, and the neighbors dog, and you start to think of all of the gross things that could be in the water. Its hard not to think about those things when the water is pretty much the same temperature as outside. I always used to pretend I could defy gravity and that I could do all these tricks and stuff on land, even though I was in the water still. I probably looked like I had mental problems the way I would move around like a ballerina and then suddenly jump into a super quadrupal flip attack out of nowhere...I know I am getting made fun of for that one but come on, I KNOW everyone has been there and done that. If you haven't you are a liar, or at least have NO imagination. That would be hilarious if everyone walked around like they were in water all of the time. Steve would have his water wings on with his arms out parallel to his shoulders, kicking his little feet for dear life trying to stay afloat. People would all of the sudden duck down like they went under the surface and squint their eyes while their cheeks were inflated and blowing out air. That would be crazy...and funny. That's what heaven has to be like, I could push a button and everyone is in water walking mode, I can't wait to go there if it is true. Joni and I are going to a Rangers/Oakland A's game tomorrow. Believe it or not I scored some cheap seats from ebay again. Ya'll need to come down here and visit, seriously. I hereby extend an open invitation...depending on who you are...I guess that's not very open is it? The green machine may be alive for a little while longer, cross your fingers for us, it could be chitty chitty bang bang all over again (ask Glen about that one)