Thursday Afternoon

I think I am going to kill my neighbors dog. They have one of those little furry rat dogs that just yelp all day long, I have no idea why anyone would ever want one of those things. I am cringing right now every time I hear the little weenie yelp. I actually saw a lady in the airport last time we were there with her little dog in a "doggie purse" that even had mesh and everything so that the dog could see out. When did that become cool to treat your dog like a baby? Why is that cute and cuddily? I am letting out a little steam about a pet peeve of mine because this dog next door has not stopped yelping...not just barking...but sobbing and whining all morning long. For some reason my dad decided to cross into the small dog threshold and now he is addicted to westy's. I have never smelled a dog with worse gas than a westy, and I don't know many dogs that throw up as much as they do. Then when you make a comment about a small dog, everyone seems to come to the dogs defense...as if it can understand. I made a little dog want to pee himself the other day at work. A little chiuahah was sitting in a shopping cart...like a baby is supposed to...and when its owner left I growled at it, and he started shivering uncontrollably. You can't imagine the owners reaction when they saw how scared the little guy got when he was left alone. I am sure they rewarded him with a new shirt or something. We have a cat hospital in Dallas, I am not kidding. One of Joni's friends from her internship had a sick cat and she took it to the cat hospital where they hooked it up to an IV and was nursed back to health. Must have been the bird flu...sorry I couldn't resist that horrifying pun. By the way, speaking of animals...It is good to know that when I mention the word "ponies" that you all go into random thought mode from my last blog (see comments). Ya'll are too much.

Living in Dallas, Texas is one of the most intersting experiences I have had in recent memory. The weather is bearable now...it will still take me a while to understand the way of the south "Texas style". We like it here and the people are fun most of the time, but we still have yet to understand why so many people call Texas "heaven on earth". I don't want to say anything else in case a Texan reads my blog and gets all riled up because Texas pride is for real. They have a segment on the news called "Don't mess with Texas" about someone who does something to harm the environment or Texas lifestyle every day. As if all of the oil drilling and Dairy Queens in EVERY town (not kidding) help the environment. Oh well, pride can be a good thing sometimes. Just don't try and covince me that dogs are humans...especially little ones.

Stress

The last few days have gone by way too fast, Joni and I have both had a lot on our plates. We both had 12 hour work days today after a weekend of chaos. We need to take a karate class or something to iliminate the stress. Isn't it funny how people do really annoying things to you when you are stressed? Or maybe certain things aren't noticeable until you get all wound up. It reminds me of the part on Christmas Vacation when Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase) finally has had enough and he goes on a terror with a chainsaw cutting down trees and the banister rail. Sometimes you just need a chainsaw to make you feel better I guess...I don't mean that in a scary psychotic kind of way. As soon as we get the car I will post a picture, I was thinking of posing in my bathing suit on the hood of the car or something...what do you think? For now we have a loaner until the new car gets a fender thingy fixed. Having a loaner car is really stressful, knowing it is not yours and that you are liable for damage...but then again, gas is free and you can "test" the accelorator at stoplights against teenagers in their rice rockets. Writing about being stressed is even funnier because when you realize how stupid the things are that you are stressed about are not a big deal in the whole scheme of things, being stressed just comes down to mind games...and I hate mind games, I like ponies.

What a Day

I didn't want to blog today because I was actually getting tired of myself beleive it or not. That stinks when you are annoying to yourself...Joni does that a lot, she starts a story and then out of nowhere she'll say "I'm tired of hearing my voice" and she'll stop talking...weird. Last night we tried to find a restaraunt downtown that is cheap and really good, but we ended up getting lost. After driving around for over an hour we ending up eating at some tex-mex place 2 blocks from our house. This morning we went to get some papers out of the green machine, and found it with the windows busted out, the dashboard on the front seat and the stereo gone. I think the theives tried to steal the car but it doesn't run...I would have liked to see their faces when they found that out, or when they realize how crappy the stereo is. It was funny because while I was there the Target "security" officer rode by on his golf cart and didn't even look at me...maybe he thought I was the one breaking in and he didn't want to bother me, or do his job. Then I found out that our insurance didn't cover the car. What to do? Cash for cars man, the green machine is gone. I didn't have a choice, it is better to get a couple hundred out of it than to let someone tow it away tonight and cash in. I spent Saturday getting approved for a loan and buying a car...I still feel like throwing up a little, it just comes up bits at a time whenever I think about what we have just done, but I couldn't be happier that Joni has a good car now. The Rangers game was fun (see pics), the drive was eventful because of a huge accident on the freeway and there was also a Cowboys game at the same time. I'm trying to download a picture of Joni's car, if it works...nope, didn't work. It is a Suzuki Aerio, looks like a distorted picture of a wagon, like it has been smooshed...kind of like one of those pug dogs.

Swimming by Myself

Our pool in the summer, or is
that Yellowstone...I forget


Water walking? thanks for the pic Jubby


Today was too hot and I am sick of the West Nile garbage so I went swimming. I can't remember going swimming by myself that often in the past, but it was definately worth it. There isn't a care in the world when you are in the water, until you smell urine, and the neighbors dog, and you start to think of all of the gross things that could be in the water. Its hard not to think about those things when the water is pretty much the same temperature as outside. I always used to pretend I could defy gravity and that I could do all these tricks and stuff on land, even though I was in the water still. I probably looked like I had mental problems the way I would move around like a ballerina and then suddenly jump into a super quadrupal flip attack out of nowhere...I know I am getting made fun of for that one but come on, I KNOW everyone has been there and done that. If you haven't you are a liar, or at least have NO imagination. That would be hilarious if everyone walked around like they were in water all of the time. Steve would have his water wings on with his arms out parallel to his shoulders, kicking his little feet for dear life trying to stay afloat. People would all of the sudden duck down like they went under the surface and squint their eyes while their cheeks were inflated and blowing out air. That would be crazy...and funny. That's what heaven has to be like, I could push a button and everyone is in water walking mode, I can't wait to go there if it is true. Joni and I are going to a Rangers/Oakland A's game tomorrow. Believe it or not I scored some cheap seats from ebay again. Ya'll need to come down here and visit, seriously. I hereby extend an open invitation...depending on who you are...I guess that's not very open is it? The green machine may be alive for a little while longer, cross your fingers for us, it could be chitty chitty bang bang all over again (ask Glen about that one)

One of those Days

Today was a Thursday...I could pretty much sum it all up in a couple of sentences. Joni's car broke down for the third time in a month and I went to see if I could do anything (like I am a mechanic or something) Upon arrival I got out the trusty jumper cables that seemed to start to melt in my hands before I even got to the engine. Sweat was already pouring down my hairless head, which actually increases the speed of the sweat by the way, but since my head is so enormous it took a while to get to my eyes. Anyways, after getting in and out of my truck three or four times I decided the situation would be a lot better if I locked my keys in the car while it was running...so I did. Several phone calls and 45 minutes later I was still stuck outside my car next the dead green machine that I know I cursed from calling it the green terd a couple of blogs ago. So now is the great question, do I hold on and see if the car can be fixed, or do I turn this blog into a eulogy and take out a loan on a newer car with ac, a working stereo, and door handles and rims that don't fall off (and spoilers too)? Since we live in Texas the other option is to park the car in someone's yard and think about all the good times we had with it. These are the moments that I really wish I could be on the Price is Right. Isn't it crazy how many people seem to get a free ride in life? (no pun intended) I am actually glad I am not one of them because then I wouldn't have had anything to write about in my blog today. Here's a question, if you were on the Price is Right, would you give Bob Barker a kiss on the cheek if you got called on stage? I think I would. I guess my Thursday was summed up in a little more than two sentences.

Joni update: Aside from the stuff with the car, she is learning more than she could ever have imagined. She works alongside some of the best dieticians in the country and she always fascinates me with how much she knows about medical stuff. I really think she is establishing a good reputation, that someday will generate the big $, then I can sit home all day eating ice cream and watching "Passions" and "Maury" all day long. I feel like a little kid always asking questions even though I will never understand what she is talking about. Last night we had a big storm and Joni got so excited that she ran out on the porch...forgetting that she only had on her whitey's. The face she made as soon as she realized it was priceless, use your imagination.

Embarrasing Pictures

I think embarrasing pictures are the best. I found a good one when I made a mask out of a paper plate while playing super heroes with my neices and nephew, obviously popsicles were my kryptonite and I had to stop playing for a bit in order to fuel up. I have some sweet ones of Joni's sister Andrea but for the sake of wanting to remain her favorite brother in law I will save them...until the best moment possible. I think it is funny how no one can picture themselves as being photogenic, I think most everyone is photogenic except for myself and maybe my brother Glen...just kidding Gloin, I think you are cute. Seriously though, if everyone knew how ugly they really were insead of thinking they were good looking and just had a bad picture day, there wouldn't be any problems. I still laugh at our family pictures from a long time ago. My sister Melecia was always in the middle...mature and glowing, she looked like she could have been our mother, then there were these four little guys with huge foreheads and monster sized cowlicks (spelling?) as happy as can be thinking about who to terrorize next, that's what I was thinking about anyways. I'll have to post some other pictures sometime, or not, some pictures are so much better in the mind. Listen to me I am like a regular Jack Frost...Robert Frost (poet?)

Days Off

I think I have a problem...My days off are incredibly boring, is that normal? Maybe it is the countless number of high quality television programs that go on during the day like "passions" and "maury". I hate that I am paranoid about the rampant west nile virus cases appearing all over Dallas so I can't go swimming, plus I am an embarrasment with my shirt off. Listen to me, I sound like a disgruntled soccer mom...just got an image, gross. Starting my second job should be good, and hopefully low stress.

So I finally got the courage to order something on ebay. Joni gives me a hard time because something you may or may not know about me is that I have conspiracy theories for everything. I swear they are legitimate...for example...when I take my car to get it inspected, something is always wrong. Joel had to get a new pair of windshield wipers a few years back after just replacing a couple of months earlier at Jiffy Lube in order to pass, so I skipped out on Jiffy Lube and went to BIG O Tires, BIG O mistake. I was so mad I didn't pass with two year old tires that I bought them somewhere else and then came back to get passed. A month ago I got inspected again...take a guess...didn't pass...new headlight. I want you to know by the way that Joni's green machine passed and it looks like a green terd with tires as bald as freddy mikes head. Then the mechanic here told me that my theory was true, certain places only pay attention to certain things on state inspections...HA! Anyways, back to ebay. No one ever gets jipped on ebay, right? I ordered Finding Nemo...I mean Rambo III...and it never came. I got a partial refund but the scar is still there. I guess Texas mail still does it pony express style, either way, my theories are still legit. Quote of the day, "Abraham Licoln once said, If you are a racist, I will attack you with the north. That is something I try to live by." -Michael Scott (The Office)

Here is a picture

What am I Doing?

It is almost midnight and I am at the computer still sweating from the 107 degree Texas heat, wondering why I got myself into this blog thing. I am not pregnant and moody...neither is Joni...nor do I have any kids to talk about, it is just me and my wife. I sincerely hope in creating this blog I do not lose the respect of all those who love and admire me and all of my wonderful qualities (was that out loud?), but if ya'll (there I said it) choose to read anything from this blog, please know that I only created it to practice my skills. If you want to be successful (and get girls if you're still single) you've got to have skills...typing skills, computer skills, nunchuck skills, poetry reading skills, blogging skills...whatever it is, I want to fully develop my skills in order to be the blogger I was sent to this earth to be.

Do you ever wonder what goes on in a background check for employment? If someone knows please tell me. Would they look at my blog for example? Or call my mom to ask what kind of kid I was? I always wonder if that's what really goes on in the pentagon, they just sit there and read blogs all day long. I wrote a paper about Fidel Castro in college to see what kind of reaction I could get, I ended up getting a perfect score, but I think I am on an FBI watch list now. That is funny how things work out like that. When I was a kid I decided that I was sick and tired of being scared by monsters, so I painted three red dots on my t-shirt so whenever I felt scared I would just lie down and pretend like I was dead...sure enough the monsters never bugged me when I was dead, but when I was alive and running around I got scared. Come to think of it, I applied to an internship at the FBI the summer after I met Joni, right after I wrote the paper on Castro, so either they didn't like it, or my wife works for the FBI in secret. I think I am going to regret writing all of this by the time I wake up in the morning, but I guess you can only ask for so much at midnight. Everyone should write a blog at midnight...consider this an invitation.