Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!

Ellie is only 6 weeks old and she already has a "B" cup...Does anyone notice something crazy about this picture? This is the first time Joni has had fingernails her ENTIRE LIFE, I still can't believe it.

The first month

Enjoy some pics from the past month...and some thoughts

Free time evades our house since our little one arrived. No matter how many people try to give us advice and tell us what to expect with our first baby, no book, no movie, no class, and no experience can fully prepare a person for the first month of being a parent. We love Ellie, I can't stop giving her kisses, but Joni and I just feel so mentally and physically exhausted all the time. Those who have been through this like to say things like, "at least she doesn't do this...", "MY kids did this..." or "it will be better when...", but sometimes all you really want to hear is "I'm sorry, hang in there".

I guess that's kind of how people are, we always seem to want to one-up each other instead of listening and offering support. I'm not referring to anything or anyone in particular, just something you think a lot about when you are struggling with a big change.

I'm not going to sugar coat anything and tell you that being a parent is a beautiful thing, because it doesn't feel that way all the time right now. But I will say that my favorite part of my day is when I come home and get to hold Ellie in my arms and just admire her every move. It's the little "moments" that she is so smiley that make every care in the world dissapear. It's tough to realize how selfish I am and how much I feel like I'm deprived of things I used to enjoy. It's so easy to get frustrated and upset at the littlest things just because I am tired. What I'm trying to say is that the hardest adjustment to being a new dad for me is realizing that someone else is far more important than me in this world. A marraige is a two person game, and you give and take to help each other survive, parenting feels like its all give and you are completely responsible for the survival of another human being.

Will this ever change? I don't know. My gut tells me that the feelings will never change, I see the concern my parents still have for me, and I've seen their tired faces when I've worn them down. I know they still love me despite what I put them through because I couldn't ever imagine not loving our little girl despite the way my body feels right now.

I still cringe when people try to say how perfect their lives are and how much they love being a parent, but I definately think I'm beginning to understand why they feel that way, because the "little" joyful moments make us dilusional and make all the tough times magically dissapear (I was able to finish that sentence because Ellie is sleeping right now).

She had her first doctor's appt today...here are the stats:

22" (50th percentile)

10 lbs (75th percentile)

and small little head (10th percentile)

The small head coming from my family is a feat alone, Joni would say its a miracle. Joni says she looks like me, but I'm still not sure. Maybe its because we share the same hairline and double chin, poor little girl lost all the hair on top of her head last week.

Awake

This video is for all the grandparents out there...and whoever else might be interested. I haven't found a lot of free time to blog but we will soon. Being a new parent plays with your emotions, its exhausting, exciting, bewildering, stressful, happy, sad and a whole bunch of emotions I never knew existed. When Ellie is awake like this its all worth while, and it happens a lot. Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

P&J...& E

Bathroom emergencies...on a whole new level

Catchy title eh? I knew if anything it would make you curious enough to want to read more. Joni and I experienced our first bathroom "emergency" with our little one. Before I get into that one, you should know that Ellie eats like a champ. Its supposed to take a couple of weeks for a newborn to return to their original birth weight, but Ellie has already surpassed it and then some and its only been a week or so.

This is probably because we are having to feed her with Joni's milk from a bottle. Ellie just can't get the latching-on part down because she always sticks her tongue to the roof of her mouth. We've worked with 4-5 lactation consultants and its just not happening. We are tag teaming the feeding sessions with Joni pumping and me feeding, sounds weird, but its exhausting. Not only that, but Joni feels bad because we can't feed our baby the "normal" way. All feelings aside, all we care about right now is that our baby is eating and stays healthy, so the sacrifice beats putting her on formula for now and we are happy that Ellie is our little chunk.

So the other night I had daiper changing duty, and I learned an important lesson about speed changing. I was having a great old time changing a poopy daiper, singing to Ellie, telling her how cute she was and taking my sweet time when KABOOOOOOM!...she let me know that she wasn't finished...poo was everywhere. I started yelling for Joni to come help (who was in full breast pump mode on the couch), and as you can imagine she came running in expecting the worst. We both moved frantically but it was too late, Ellie was just drenched from her toes all the way up to the back of her neck in recycled breast milk. We gave her a quick bath in the sink to clean her off, then the second I put her back on the freshly cleaned changing table she started peeing...it went everywhere. By this time Dilly was having the time of her life with all the wonderful smells and pieces of clothing falling to the floor.

After losing a few pounds of sweat, going through 3 daipers, 2 outfits, 12 baby wipes, 6 paper towels, calming a screaming baby, and keeping Dilly away from toxic clothing all in about 10 minutes, we were through our ordeal. Sure enough no more than 3 minutes after our adventure came to an end, Ellie gave us a reassuring smile that everything was going to be allright, and that this was only the beginning of a long, dysfunctional family relationship. May the poo Gods smile upon us in our sleep tonight.

Our Hearts Are Full

Everyone has a different experience in having thier first child, this is OUR story.

Everything couldn't have gone smoother the day we went into the hospital. I always imagined weaving in and out of traffic while Joni was hollering in pain, then rushing into the hospital in a wheelchair or on a stretcher. We walked in on our own at 8am, checked into our room, then sat and talked as we watched students on the UNC campus walk to their classes. Joni was induced at about 2pm on Friday. After some longer and more frequent/painful contractions began a couple of hours later, she took the epidural. That was the first time I think Joni felt a lot of pain, the contractions were painful, but I could tell things were real then.

The drugs were awesome, from then Joni didn't feel as much pain but there is always the pressure. We got used to the consistency of contraction, and Joni started getting the "shakes" which is consistent with having epidurals and transitioning into larger dilation. At about 11pm the doctors told us that she was fully dilated and that as soon as she felt pressure she could push. In that moment I started to wonder if I was going to be able to help Joni or end up on the floor upon fainting. All of the waiting suddenly came to a point that we felt overwhelmed and underprepared. I found myself taking the same deep breaths as Joni so that we could both relax.

The pushing began at 11:15 and everything changed. I suddenly felt a confidence and I saw the same reaction in Joni's countenance after the first push. It was me, the nurse, and Joni in the room and we were doing three reps of pushes at the heighth of each contraction. After 45 minutes our little girl came out with eyes wide open. She was looking around at everything, and she kept them open until her eye drops were put in.

Now, a lot of people react differently when they see that baby for the first time. I've heard even the toughest guys tell me they balled their eyes out, but that just wasn't what I felt. Joni was so happy and crying, and all of my attention was on her telling her that she did it and how happy I was for her. I looked at the baby with wonder, what was she? how did she get there? how is she breathing? Is this all real? I could never have imagined what she looked like, and it threw me for a loop when I was finally looking right at her. There is a connection that mother's instantly have with their kids, it was amazing to see, and I knew Joni literally transformed in just a few seconds. For me, every time I hold our baby I feel more attached and I love her more and more, for Joni it was instantaneous.

Ellie Ryan was born at 12:02am, weighing in at 7lbs 5oz. To everyone else she probably looks like a baby, but to us she is so beautiful and unique. We are fans of her every move. Here are some pics in order of her short little life so far.

Her skin was so beautiful and clean right when she came out, this is just moments after she was born. Her feet aren't black, this was just the ink.

We ended up staying at the hospital for 4 days instead of the usual 2. Ellie had jaundice and had to be under the lights in the nursery for 3 days. We spent a lot of time waiting, talking, throwing sticky breast gel caps at the window to see how long they would stick, and holding the baby.

Ellie has opened up a part of our hearts that we didn't know existed and no words can define our feelings these last couple of days. We do know we never imagined being able to love anything this much...

We are happy to say that we are now home and happy to have a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

Past due

Today was Joni's last Doctors appointment, it was also the due date for the baby. It appears that she is nowhere close to coming out even though she keeps growing each day (the baby not Joni of course). Joni is at the stage now where people stop and stare, I couldn't help but laugh when a couple of ladies at the doctors office all stopped mid-conversation, pulled the suckers out of their mouths and as soon as she passed said, "she looks like she's ready to POP". Joni can't wait for the stares to stop and this little girl to come out. If there is one thing I have learned, girls are never ready on time. If this is any indication of our future, we will never be on time for anything again.

The good news is that if nothing happens this week, then we will be going into the hospital this Friday November 6th to be induced at 8am. So if you don't hear from us before then, there's a good chance we haven't had anything happen yet. If Joni is induced, it could be anywhere from 1 to 36 hours after that for the baby to come. We were told that now they induce no matter what at 41 weeks, so despite some of the risks, its the right thing to do. We've heard there are things you can eat/drink/swallow to help push things along but Joni wants things to just happen on their own until Friday. My feeling right now is that nothing is going to happen, but you never know.

Joni's mom is here to help us out for a few days. Not much else we can do right now but wait, play some cards, wait, go on walks, and wait. Thanks for checking in on us, we will do our best to keep you all in the loop. Bye for now.

Almost Famous

Just when we thought things were on the downturn, we found out that a picture of Joni will be published in the book Awkward Family Photos. She made front page today, check it out www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com.

Also, thanks for all the thoughts and prayers about Joni and the H1N1 situation. Turns out a lady that works at the clinic felt really bad that she had to turn her away, so she called her yesterday to say that they had one leftover. So Joni went down to the clinic and got the last shot they had left, that was very nice of that lady to do, and Joni feels a lot better now about that. Now we just have to hope I don't bring any viruses home to baby. Six days left...maybe...some of the due dates you guessed are starting to drop like flies.

A watched pot never boils.

You ever notice that when you are waiting for something to happen, that time just drips by? Joni and I are going crazy right now waiting for this little one to make her move and enter our world. Everyone says to enjoy our down time while it lasts, but how can you really enjoy it when you don't know what having a kid is like? We feel like we've had plenty of time over the last few years to do what we've wanted to do as a couple, and now we are ready for the change, at least we think we are.

I've never seen Joni so ready to get out of the house at any moment. Without work or friends out here in buffalo land, she is going stir crazy. There are no more "projects" to complete, and there are only so many episodes of So You Think You Can Dance that she can watch. I cringe when I imagine if the baby is late, due one week from Monday, but right now the baby sure doesn't act like she wants to come out. All this waiting has caused us to mumble a bit, not sure why because we feel very lucky and blessed to be where we are. But here are some things I'd like to share that are worth mumbling about lately:

1) Don't ever ask a pregnant lady if she is having twins, why would anyone be so stupid and ask such a question? It happens ALL the time. Having said that, here are a couple of zingers on this topic I couldn't resist...(used with Joni's permission of course)

Why do people always look at you as a pregnant woman and smile?

Because you are fatter than them.

Whats the difference between a woman who is 9 months pregnant and a supermodel?

Nothing, if the woman's husband knows whats good for him.

2) How can Joni stand in line for an hour to get the H1N1 vaccine, and then be turned away? 35 yr old male construction workers got it because they were there 5 minutes before she was, is this ok? Not only that, but how does one of the best labor and delivery hospitals in the US not have any yet?

3) Its not cool for anyone who is not "expecting" to park in the "expectant mothers" parking spaces, then smile at your pregnant wife as they run inside the store.

4) North Carolina has the most beautiful autumn leaves I have ever seen, and no one in our ward talks to each other. We never saw the fall in Connecticut, but we met some of the friendliest people ever. If you would have described the previous 2 sentences without naming the state one year ago, I would have totally had them reversed.

5) Our neighbor snores so loud that we can hear her through the walls as if she is in our bed. We have to blast the humidifier all night just to drown some of the noise. Payback is going to be awesome (sort of) when the baby wakes up every night for the first couple of months. Come to think of it, we're hosed either way.

6) Dilly no longer has puppy breath, now it smells like tuna and rotting feet.

Despite some of the "minor" pet peeves, we are so happy and excited to have the baby coming so soon. We may be counting down the days/hours/minutes, but we are very happy right now. I love my job, I played my best game of golf ever on Friday, we live in a beautiful place, the Fall weather is amazing, we have awesome doctors, and Joni will be able to have a little companion at home besides the current one that sleeps until noon, smells like a door mat, and loves to eat leaves.

Week 38 update

It's so weird to be spending our weekends trying to do last minute preparations for when the baby comes. We've been buying a package of diapers every week for the past couple of months because I hear you need tons and they are pretty expensive. We've been worried that we still don't have everything we need but I assume that's normal. There are so many things you don't think about that you need, and a lot of stuff we are just waiting to buy until later.

Being a typical guy, I was thinking that we could buy almost everything used, but I found out that I was way off. Just a word of warning to you soon-to-be new fathers out there, nothing will prepare you for the amounts of "stuff" you have to buy for that tiny little thing, and most of it should be purchased new. There I said it, consider yourself warned. We did find a used Medela breast pump, which sounds gross but if you think about it you are just paying for the motor and you can buy spare inserts and parts for the rest at Target.

TIME OUT!!! What is happening here? I'm talking about the benefits of buying a used breast pump?!? What is happening to me?

Joni has been seeing a different doctor every week at the hospital. Thats just how they do it here, the team of doctors "rotate" because its likely that we won't have our original Doc for the birth anyways. The baby has dropped halfway down to be positioned at a "zero". 5 means ready for birth, minus 5 means not ready at all, so she's moving right along. I still don't know what to think about being a dad so soon. People do it all the time so it can't be that hard right? It's tough to imagine not being able to do much during the delivery except to be supportive. Thats all everyone says, "be supportive" and "don't take anything she says to you personally while in labor".

I'm kind of hoping for a little more time, but I know Joni is counting down the days until the baby comes. I guess thats how Joni and I have been with everything though.
We will be sending out an email to you all soon because we want to send a prize to whoever is closest to guessing the correct weight, height, and birthday of our little girl. So if we don't have your updated email, let us know and we'll include you in the sweepstakes. We're not talking about a big prize, just more of a "you are cool" type of prize. Happy Sunday!

Charlotte is NOT welcome here.

I know spiders are good for killing pesky insects, blah blah blah. But they are scary. Paul came acrossed this eight-legged devil this morning when he was taking Dilly out. I never would have taken this picture if it wasn't for my mega zoom lens that allows me to stand 8 feet away. The wasp was curious to see what I was taking pictures of and came over to check it out. So here you go - two of my least favorite creatures in one disqusting shot.

Paul took this picture on our front porch the other day. It's probably the only picture taken of me in the last 8 months that I like - GOOD JOB Paul!

Sorry this blog was kind of random. Have a good weekend everyone!

JONI

Buyer beware at the gas pump...

Several of you have asked about the identity theft thing, and although we haven't heard much as far as the outcome is concerned yet, I figured I'd warn you about something I heard on the news last night.

Rewind a little bit. On my birthday Joni was at KFC feeding one of her cravings when her card declined. After a call to the bank we found out that someone "swiped" our card in NYC at Wal-Mart at about the same time and purchased $185 worth of stuff. Once they realized that it worked, they tried to buy another $175 worth of stuff 2 minutes later but the card was already frozen. The scary thing is that we never lost a card, and we found out that they used our PIN number. Turns out this "person" made their own duplicate card with our number and knew our PIN number just like someone would make a duplicate check or fake ID.

We have always been very careful to discard important documents in the shredder, and watch our backs at the ATM and gas stations. What I heard on the news disturbed me and I thought you should know about it.

Turns out 2 guys were arrested in Raleigh for stealing several identities from gas station pumps. They have sophisticated devices that police have never seen before to take card and PIN numbers from the pumps. You would never even know they were there. They take the card numbers and make fake bank cards, then use your PIN number at an ATM to get cash...or in our case Wal-Mart. The only thing that you can do is check your account often for any suspicious charges or hope your bank freezes the card like ours did. I try to pay for gas inside now instead of at the pump, because you really don't know when one has been "skimmed" as they call it.

I don't mean to scare anyone or cause you to spend all your spare time looking at your bank account balance. This can happen to anyone, and it is a horrible feeling when it happens. Kind of reminded me of the time someone tried to steal our car in Dallas, but since it wouldn't start, they bashed out all the windows, took the radio and tore off the dashboard. We are totally fine now, the bank should reimburse us, and we are paying a monthly fee for a little while to have our bank monitor our credit history.

On a lighter note, Joni found out she has carpel tunnel in her hands from playing Wii for an hour. Wierdest thing ever...

Chahlston

We made one last " long" road trip before our little one gets here, headed down to Charleston (you have to say it with a huge drawl) to see Andrea. Once again, I was shocked to find another place I never knew existed that is absolutely beautiful. There's a ton of history there, and downtown Charleston is one of the most unique places I've had the opportunity to visit. I have to say though, North Carolina still beats South Carolina in beauty overall by a long shot. Enjoy some more pics. Pictures never do a place justice, we needed to do the 360 view on a couple of these waterfront houses. You could see Fort Sumter and Cooper bridge from here, as well as a couple of battleships and an aircraft carrier.Sullivan beach, I wish I would have brought my swimmingsuit.
My pregnant belly...or just Joni standing behind me.Rainbow Row, the houses here are required to be painted specific colors and it can't be the same color as the one next to it.
Candy apple anyone?

We took a tour of the hospital where the baby will be born. I have to admit I don't like hospitals very much, and I got a little light headed when we were standing in the room where it will all happen. Reality hit me hard, you know that unmistakable sterile smell means you are in a place where big things happen. I've always seen hospitals as a sad place, but my friend Mike helped me put a new spin on it with his always positive attitude. Hospitals are places where miracles happen, and where people are humbled enough that they have to put all their trust in someone other than themselves to get better. So although I don't feel completely confident, I feel better thinking of hospitals in that way.

Yesterday when my hand was on Joni's belly I felt the baby's heel press hard against my hand, and I moved it about four inches across Joni's belly before it dissapeared. It was so crazy, I also felt her hiccup for about 5 minutes, she is so close to being here. Joni is at 35 weeks now, I think she's doing great and I think she is a lot tougher than she thinks she is.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes and presents. Aside from having our identities stolen it was a pretty good day.

Where the buffalo roam

Hey everyone! Joni here. I decided to post some pictures of our place. I have to admit I was pretty worried about sending Paul off to find it all on his own, but he found the perfect duplex for us. Yes, it is out in the wilderness of North Carolina where there are no sidewalks and the nearest Urban Outfitters is a 18 mile drive, but I'm pretty darn proud of his choice. At first I thought the total quiet surrounding our house was eerie, but now it's growing on me. The sounds (chirping) and smells (nature, with a hint of buffalo) that I experience each morning walking out the door make me feel like I'm camping, and I love it.

This is deck off the side of the house. It's weird because there are no stairs that go down to the ground - but also perfect because Dilly loves hanging out there all day, and I know shes not going to run off chasing a squirrel.



Here is the front view, complete with a wooly mammoth on the front porch.





In a few days I will be 34 weeks along!!! I went to my new doctor at UNC hospital last week. He immediately made me feel reassured, answered all my questions thoroughly, and was super nice (a far cry from my previous CT doctor, but thats a different conversation). We still have no idea what the little bean's name will be. We used to try to figure that out, but after changing it so many times we decided to keep a list of ~3 names and pick from that pool when we have to. I don't know why girl names are so HARD for me! Any last minute suggestions?

Going to any store with baby clothes is a BAD thing for me right now. The brilliant merchandisers don't have to work hard to convice me my baby will NEED a ruffle dress in every color with booties and a headband to match. Because I know this about myself I have to take extra caution to avoid the baby section, and I decided to make some cute stuff on my own. I have to give a shout out to both Jen B and Kendi for introducing me to the world of Etsy. I found some super cute onsies on there and decided to try my hand at hand-crafted baby clothes. Here are a few of the onsies I made this week... sorry for those of you who have already seen these.




Here is the monthly belly picture for those of your who are a fan of globes.


And finally, a video tour of the inside of the house. Enjoy :)