It's late but I had to put this picture up. I was sitting in the lobby at Baylor waiting for a freind to carpool to a meeting and I had my camera in my purse. I got looking at old pictures and well... I thought I should share this gem.
- JONI

I want to pet a dolphin

Now I know I am addicted to this whole blog thing because I have been trying to think of when I would blog again with my crazy schedule the next couple of days, so I had to get one in now or else not write again for a few days. I am seriously improving as far as typing goes because of it...not that I am fast, but I am not a "two finger" typer anymore. I think it is healing to write sometimes. Speaking of healing, I think caffeine is my magic medicine. It probably sounds bad because caffeine is a drug of sorts, but every time I have an upset stomach or a headache, coke is better than any other medicine. I used to think my headaches would be caused from caffeine even though I never drank that much, so I didn't drink any for nine months...that didn't help at all, it actually made it worse. I think I inherited my mom's drug problem...that sounds kind of funny without an explanation. We are both so affected by any drug, even the smallest amount of pain killer from surgery or what not knocks us out. Not only that, but we can be highly entertaining to other people from the side effects (including large amounts of drool and dancing on hospital beds). I can vaguely remember coming out of surgery from my knee and I was just staring at people in the rooms next to me and giggling because I couldn't look away, then singing at the top of my lungs to Celine Dion in the car ride home.

So now I am TOTALLY awake because I drank a coke an hour before bed...at least I feel better.
I call Joni the "sixth sense" now because every time I walk into the kitchen after she has been there, all of the cupbards are left open...kind of creepy. I also have a very small bladder which my mom seems to have as well (you can already see what the smallest drug can do to my random thoughts). I can't drink any thing before a movie because without fail, I will have to go to the bathroom in the most important part of the movie. The worst was when I was watching the Lord of the Rings during the part near the end when the dam breaks and a huge flood ensues. I couldn't believe I held it...but I have to say I broke the world record for the longest time going to the bathroom. I don't mean to be graphic but two different people went to the bathroom in the urinals next to me, washed thier hands and left before I was done. Anyways, tomorrow I work one job from 7am to 1pm, then my other job from 2-11pm...then I do the same thing Saturday. I can handle the work, but I think it is the "mental"aspect of it all. I don't like being "controlled" every single day. I told my new boss today that I don't want to work the part time job more than 10 hours a week now, so once I get past these next few days it should be a lot better. Well, I have to go to the bathroom again, bye for now.

Tweny Seven

I was thinking the other day about life as a twenty seven year old and I got to thinking, it is a lot different than I thought it would be when I was a kid. I am not saying I am not happy with my life, because I am, it is just funny to try and remember a child's perspective on life. First of all, super belly button power doesn't really work...I used to swear by it as a kid. For those of you who don't know what that is, it was something we used to do (sticking a finger in your belly button then "shocking" the body into warp speed mode) to clean the house up in the fastest manner possible so that when the tv commercial break was over, you could get back to the show. Well, I tried it the other day and I ended up just sitting there the whole time...it's just not the same anymore...maybe when we have kids it will work again. Where did the fifteen million boxes of legos we had end up? I still get urges to play legos, and tear off all of my church clothes in the car on the way home so that I can be the first one "ready" and changed to play. It is harder to do that while driving now but I still try. I still remember wanting to own a cleaning business as a kid...how weird was I? What, did I really picture myself driving a ferrari around with all my 27 year old make believe friends after cleaning the house with all of the other maids? Who knows, it is still a possibility. Something crazy happened a few years ago when my dad was offered a cleaning business from a client, when he told me about it I got scared because my childhood dream could have come true, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go there. Then I was a window washer for a couple of years...maybe I am destined for greatness in the cleaning business after all. Give me a few more years and I could be the new spokesperson for Mr. Clean (the bald guy with his ear pierced). So I guess some things are what I thought they would be too...I bet money that my dad still laughs like a donkey at the roadrunner and coyote show.

I still feel like I am destined to do something great, maybe everyone feels that way. Whether it is being on the Price is Right, getting a record in Guiness Book, making millions from an invention or business, not picking my nose anymore, or just being happy at home with family. Something I WILL do that I wanted to do as a kid is end up living near family. This whole Texas experience is fun, but I can't wait to end up somewhere near everyone. Let's all plan a place to end up because if you are reading this, I probably like you.

27 rounds up to 30!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL!!

This is my first post on our blog, I figured I should give Paul a break and write about stuff we did this weekend to celebrate. We had an early morning B-day party today because Paul decided he wanted cake for breakfast. I had to post the pics below because Paul was blowing frantically to put out all the candles and then he got really dizzy and had to lay down. Maybe that means we are getting a little old, who knows - but it made me laugh really hard.

Between Paul's 2 jobs and my work, studying and researching I feel like we are strangers some days. So I took the weekend off and we have done loads of cool stuff. Friday night we went to a movie and out to dinner. Saturday we played tennis all afternoon, went swimming, then out to dinner again at Duke's Roadhouse. This place seriously had a separate section for motorcycle parking, and Paul's chicken fried steak was twice as big as my face. We came home and watched Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, hilarious by the way. I had never seen it!

This morning after blowing out the B-day candles, Paul regained his stregth and is now watching The Beast Master (one of my fav movies when I was little) on Sci-Fi. This weekend seriously rules .

I really have had no reason to post this cartoon other than it mad me giggle a little.

So the other night I had this strange dream that my fingers were swelling uncontrollably. In the dream I got really worried that my ring finger would get severed if I didn't get my wedding ring off quickly so I pulled it off and held it in my hand. Well, about 4am I happened to wake up because I heard a little "clink" above my head. Then I realized my ring finger was empty. I had dropped the ring behind the head of the bed; it's a good thing I have become a light sleeper lately because we may not have found that thing until we moved out of this apartment. Scary.

Well, I had better get back to stuff but I just wanted to say hello to everyone, I may not comment on the blogs but I love to read them every day!! See ya'll later - JONI

Look mom...a swimsuit model

Okay, very short blog today. I am taking the bad picture thing one step further. Until Utah State scores an offensive touchdown, I promise to post a horrible picture once a week. I was thinking about doing it until they won a game...but come on, who has that many bad pictures. Seriously, losing to BYU 38-0 is an embarrassment. If that was the one game they won all year long I would be happy. But this just takes the whole alma mater thing to a horrifying level. Maybe they need me in the crowd again, or maybe I could recruit some of the junior high kids I saw playing football today. Either way, anything is an improvement. To be honest, I am seriously mad that I posted these pictures. I knew Joni would do it so I wanted to beat her to it...boy did I show her.

Eating Habits

First of all, Joni is going to kill me when she finds out that I posted that picture. Joel left a challenge to find some flattering photos, I found a lot but I won't post them yet. I just found this one of Joni when she must have seen a spider or something. I don't know why I posted the other one, I just had such a devilsih look in my eyes and Steve would appreciate all of the color in the photgraph. I am still giggling like a little girl when I think about the picture Joel posted on his new blog, check out joelsdumbblog.blogspot.com....sorry, had to giggle again. If you are wondering what it is I am looking at in the picture, it is a zinger (twinkie) with a cheeto, 2 peanut butter m&m's, a cold shrimp, and a skittle dipped in tarter sauce. Joni's brother dared me to eat it on New Year's Eve...I did of course but the funny thing is that he got sick the next day for doing it too. It wasn't that bad if you separate all of the tastes. In Chile I would always make eggs with hot dogs on toast, with jam, cheese and caramel. So I was better prepared I guess.
I met a guy in Chile with no teeth but he loved apples. Of course that made me wonder how he ate apples so I asked him for a demonstration. He grabbed an apple in his hand, and violently slammed it four or five times against the wall without breaking the skin, then slurped the apple right out of the skin...probably one of the funniest things I remember seeing. Funny how we all have our little "things" when eating. Before my endoscopy, I would get the hickups without fail after eating. Joni has her little habit of making every bite the best bite ever. She lines up all of the little sauces and delicately picks up the best looking part of each food group, it is pretty amazing to watch. My mom doesn't eat anything, then proceeds to call herself "fat". Dad magically makes the food go from the table to his stomach within seconds. Joel never fails to have some of the food remaining somewhere on his body, and Glen just eats...a lot. I think Steve must be the happy, quiet eater. Melecia...well, I don't remember but I am sure giggling is involved. I would like to know if there is a female out there who doesn't prefer what is on everyone else's plate to her own. Does that exist? Even if I order two plates of what I am eating, my plate always looks the best. Question, what is the most disgusting thing you have ever had? For me...I think liver or seaweed soup is up there on the top of the list.

Dirty dishes

I am sitting here in a messy house trying to figure out what smell is coming from the kitchen, which makes me wonder...why do I wait several days sometimes to do the dishes? I can smell a little bit of the Eggo waffles and syrup I had this morning, and some of the chicken I made last night...It is kind of making me hungry. I don't even want to begin to guess what is in the trash can. Now before you go judging me thinking I am disgusting, I will clean it all up...but why do I let it all pile up? One thing I never did was resort to wearing a pair of underwear from the dirty clothes pile, that is gross. I don't know how someone could do that...same thing with wearing the same clothes for more than two days in a row. I say two days because working at Lowes absolutely destroys my clothes so I have this little plan to change my shirt but wear the same pair of pants to get maximum use for two days, then they can get washed. Think about how gross people had to smell back in the day when they only had one pair of pj's. I used to think girls were so weird because they would only bathe or wash their hair a couple times a week...I must be getting gross in my older years because now waiting a couple of days to wash my noggin seems pretty normal...and bathing every day seems excessive, unless sweat is invloved. Maybe it has to do with not taking showers in the morning anymore. When I have to go into work at 5:30AM, I want to get the maximum amount of sleep so I wake up 15 minutes before I leave (just enough time to eat).
Hearing everyone talk about the cold weather makes me thankful to be here after the hellishly hot summer. It is still in the 90's and should stay in the 80's for a couple more months...then it gets "freezing" here as the locals say at a chilling 60 degrees. To their credit I hear the nights get down into the 30's. It is funny to hear people around here complain about the cold, really wimpy.
I cannot wait until the season premeire of "The Ofiice" tonight, on NBC at 7:30. Super funny show, but you have to have the right sense of humor for it. I have to admit I get a little giddy like I do for Broncos games before hand. Speaking of the Broncos, I am excited to see the game since it is at night on my B-Day...lets hope it'll bring them some luck. It's funny because I was more excited to see the game than I was mad about missing church since I work during the day...sounds kind of bad, but it IS the Broncos. When I go to hell I'll just explain that my family introduced me to my addiction...that might just work. Time to clean up.

Dog Training

Today I started the real hands on training at my work. My new superviosr got her masters degree in conversation conflict management...I didn't even know there was such a thing. You might as well call it dog training with people...degree. She is the type of person that talks to you like you are three years old, and if you look away from her for a second she says, "look at me...now repeat what I just said". I am beginning to understand the cliche about men being slaves to big women. When I do something right I find that I look at her to throw me a bone or something...it's really weird...kind of out of my element. How is it that every job is the most important job in the world? ...I'll explain. I got this job thinking it would be low stress and easy, but it is actually worse than my management job at Lowe's. How hard is it to scan cards and answer a phone? That's what I thought, but then everyone makes a huge deal if I answer the phone a different way or forget to say the person's name when I check them in. All the people want to do is come work out, but all the employees started freaking out when the District Manager came for a visit. I seriously can't call a person out loud who is ten feet away, I have to page them. As a manager at Lowes I find myself getting upset at relatively stupid things as well...its weird. I will never shop the same again now that I have been in the retail business. It is amazing what some people expect and how upset people can get about the dumbest things. Don't get me wrong, sometimes there is reason to get mad, but having to smile and listen to people vent is really frustrating. Maybe I should be like my dad and just fall asleep. I couldn't imagine the frustration of hearing people tell you about their problems ALL day long. Dad, how do you do it?
That reminds me of a HUGE pet peeve of mine...I absolutley hate it when girls call me "honey" or "sweetie". That goes back to the Big woman thing, having control over little men. Women have to know how degrading it is, or maybe I am the only one who doesn't like it. I remember a few years back we were going to Hannah's baptism in Colorado and my car broke down in Wyoming. We drove all the way back to Provo and then when we got back and told my dad we weren't going to make it he started talking to me like a baby' "oh little pauwy broke his widdle twuck?" I was mad, I don't think my dad realizes how mad I was at that moment. I have since gotten over it but the baby talk thing stuck with me. So call me bitter when I get treated like a little booger at work, but that's the way it is. We get free passes to work out, so it is pretty cool though. Just remember the next time you get mad at some poor little college kid at the supermarket because you can't find the tampons and he doesn't know what a tampon is, remember that he is a normal peron too just trying to make some cash.

Observations

Congrats to the Broncos for winning the ugliest game ever, but hey, a win is a win...especially against the Cheifs. Also, congratulations to Utah State for being the worst football team in all of college football. They have had convincing losses (20-0,38-7, and 48-0), and without an offensive td yet this season. At least when I went to school there they made you think that you could win until the fourth quarter, unlike now when the game clock starts, people already start leaving in order to avoid the crowds and get home faster. I love how all the football players acted like they were so cool when you saw them in the hall, then they got mad if you didn't cheer when they were down 189 to 0. I never booed though, I will never boo any of my teams under any circumstances, just express frustration by throwing a pillow or writing a blog.
I started my other job on Saturday. It was funny because there is a camera above me that so that I can see myself all of the time on tv. I never noticed that I have a little bald patch on the back of my head. I always thought I could hang on to that a little bit longer, but all I can see on camera is the glow of my big white spot (my head) and my little white spot (also my head). The funny thing about being bald is that in the back of my mind I am always 18 years old and really, really rediculously good looking...then I look in the mirror and remember that I am almost 27. It happens a lot, does that happen to anyone else?

Happy Birthday to Gayle and Jo Ann, the big 50. I still remember the funniest birthday card I have ever read, Joel gave it to my mom a LONG time ago...There was an enormous ship being unloaded on a dock by a big crane with the phrase, "congratulations, your birthday candles have arrived!".

Joni and I went to the mall to watch people the other day. That is the only way I will go along...or if food is invloved. It is amazing how much people dress like thier friends and partners...and how people look like their cars and their dogs. If you haven't noticed it is amazing to watch, from the same shirts and hair styles, to shoes and tucking in and out your shirt. Airports are even more fun because there is a wider variety of peolple there. It is creepy too because so many couples look like they could be siblings, but then again in Texas maybe they are.

Dancing

I apologize in advance to Joni's family for these "blackmail" pictures that I found in our archives. We had a video but it was erased so I'll let you use your imaginations. One night we were all sitting around thinking of what to do while listening to music. One thing I love about Joni's family is that they are a creative bunch and there is never a moment of boredom. If we are all outside and there are rocks nearby, you can bet we will make up a game involving an impossible throw and a prize in the end...and sometimes even a person running back and forth like one of those duck targets at the fair trying not to get hit by flying rocks. I thought it was the funniest thing that Joni used to play a game involving dirt clods, bags, and trees when she was little (fourteen) and found entertainment by it, but that's what you have to do in a small town like Vernal. Anyways, we were all listening to a Michael Jackson CD, (he used to be really cool believe it or not) and Joni's brother brought up the idea to have a dance off and whoever had the stick in their hands had to dance. It was one of those things that you imagined being really funny but that you would never do. Well, I have the photos to prove it...the pics are of Gayle, Joni's aunt Jo Ann, Andrea, and me with the stick between my legs.











It was one of those moments that you wake up the next morning and hope you didn't do anything to offend every member of your wife's family...and I will forever have the images of everyone dancing in my head. There are countless moments in my life when I had such a severe laugh attack that I lost feeling and control in my limbs and the veins popped out of my big forhead as I sweat off about ten pounds...that or my acid reflux likes to kick in when I laugh...and that night was one of them. That's why families are so cool, you could be the village idiot and they still love you in the end.

Speaking of the village idiot, has anyone ever seen Martha Stewart's tv show? I can't believe that lady can make a living on tv. It was like watching a bad accident...I couldn't turn away. She has the most awkward moments of anyone else on tv that I have ever seen. I seriously feel bad for the people who come on to her show as guests. If I ever become famous and go on tour, I will call in sick when she invites me to her show, but I guess I won't have to worry about that...being famous.

Texas style wrestling

Sometimes I forget that I started a blog. I always check out other blogs in my family and I think how hard that would probably be to start a blog or how much time it would take to do write one all of the time...then I remember that I have one...sweet. Joni says I should put more pictures in the blog, and she is right, but I don't know how cool that would be to show a different picture of me or Joni every day. I could take a picture every day and show my age progression, then you could just scroll down with the mouse and see my hair fall out and turn gray over time...Joni would always look the same. Some guy at my work a while back asked if Joni was my daughter, I seriously couldn't beleive it. I know I look older than I am but come on. I remember in college when I lived with Glen and Joel, everyone thought that I was the oldest, or at least older than Joel...what do you say to that?...Thanks? Those were some fun times. I can't beleive I live in Texas and no one here knows about Texas style wrestling. For those of you who don't know what Texas style wrestling is, let me tell you. It's one of those trick things, you have to pick out some one who is really gullable (but won't cry), then you put a sleeping bag over thier head and tell them that they have to keep it on the whole time. Meanwhile, they think they are wrestling someone else in a sleeping bag, but what is really happening is that everyone watching is beating up on them. That sounds really mean but it is pretty funny to watch. This one time we ended up dragging this girl into some apartment and leaving her there...it was great...I can only imagine her face when she came out of the bag and saw a bunch of people she didn't know looking at her.

That reminds me of another fun game, rolling down the stairs in sleeping bags. Last time I was in Salt Lake I was trying to teach Carter how to do it. I really don't remember it hurting as much back then as it does now, plus kids must be smarter these days because Carter wouldn't do it but he insisted on watching me pulverize my tailbone over and over again. I just kept on doing it for some reason...maybe I am the one who got duped into it..anything to please a crowd I guess. Maybe I could invent Texas style wrestling in Texas. Has anyone ever heard of pouring peanuts into coke, then slurping them down? People around here think I am crazy because I have never heard of it. Maybe I will try it and let ya'll know how it goes. I am thinking about buying a cheap pair of golf clubs, any suggestions?

What happened to the Broncos?

It is hard to believe that five years have passed since the twin towers fell, Joni and I have been watching some shows on tv about some of the firemen on some home video footage that has been pretty cool. I remember one of the most memorable things about going to New York was going to ground zero. I hate to admit I wasn't excited to go see it, but it was totally worth it. There was an incredibly sad and empty feeling standing there next to all of the construction even though I had never even seen the towers up close in real life. I remember that day it all happened, I was cutting some oak shelves for a customer on a panel saw at work in the lumber yard...everyone kept telling me things were happening but my boss wouldn't even let me take a break to see what was going on, I didn't find out the extremity of everything until that evening when I got home...stupid boss.

Today I memorialized that moment five years ago by counting a billion little knick knacks for inventory. Imagine cleaning out someone else's closet that is only about 50,000 square feet...that's inventory. After the first ten hours my deodorant starts to fade a little, and my head gets really sticky from all of the sweat. I can't help but smell my armpits over and over again just to see if the smell gets any worse every ten seconds...but then my shirt sticks to my head every time I sniff. Not only do I sniff but I have to get in a HUGE sniff to make sure. Am I the only one who does that? I get really self conscious about smells from the body because I just can't understand how some people can't notice how bad they smell. In high school this guy in choir had the worst case of poo breath I had ever smelled...then I started wondering if I smelled like that. So I brought 4 breathmints to school everyday, one for every other period so that I could not possibly have stinky breath. So I wonder if I need to buy a holster for a canister of deodorant that I can use at free will when I feel like I stink. They should make air fresheners that can hang from your pit hair, or little fans in shirts...I think I am on to something

Brunette

So this girl shows up at my door today and she looks like Joni but her hair is four inches shorter and very, very dark. If anyone knows where my wife is please let me know, in the meantime this brunette will do. Just kidding Joni, I really like it...I just can't stop looking at her because it is a pretty big change. The kind of change that a dog would bark at because he doesn't recognize her.

This is actaully the second time I have seen her hair like this. When we first started dating it was similar to this color and above her shoulders. I always liked it, so I am pretty sure I like it now. I cut my hair today too...I thought about putting my picture on here but it pretty much looks like every haircut I have had since about 2003. Joni and I played some mean raquetball last night...I am figuring out her little secret. She has a laugh attack...possibly a fake one...and then whacks the ball right where she wants it when I am most vulnerable. I am trying to get her to play tennis because I think she could be pretty good, I even bought "Deep Woods Off" so that we could drench ourselves in that heavenly smell to play with the mosquitos outside. I am getting really excited for football season but also very depressed because I can't get many Broncos games around here. It is the ultimate torture that one of my least favorite teams...the Cowboys...is king around here. The other day I had orientation for my other job at 24 hour fitness, and everyone got on the subject of football and Terrel Owens...I couldn't resist, I told the district manager who was doing the orientation that the Cowboys stink and I hate Terrel Owens. Just before I was about to be fired I told him I was a life-long Broncos fan...you might as well bring out the noose and hang me right there. I didn't make many friends. Come to think of it that has become one of my favorite hobbies...making Texans mad, because it is really easy to do. It was weird because we were talking in a group about brand names and they started making fun of how "yankees" say "pop" instead of "coke". "Coke" means any drink here, and they think we are weird for calling it what it should be. That's another thing, the word "yankee" is used for people who are not Texans, or who are stuck up, or anything else for that matter. I think if we end up moving back to Utah next year then we will have to leave at night so no one knows that we are leaving Texas because that would be the unpardonable sin. Anyways, let me know how the Broncos look as ya'll watch the games with your yankee friends with cokes in their hands. God bless Texas!

Our new car

FINALLY...the moment you have all been waiting for, actually Joni and I have but I don't know if everyone else is...we finanally drove home our car and we wanted to show off some pictures before the windows get bashed in next time we go to Target. Driving home in a new car is fun, you can't help but look all around in it, looking in the glove box (jockey box... for those of you from small towns who need an interpretation), looking at the spare tire and behind the seats...pretty much everything that you will probably never look at again, let alone care about a month from now. Then the next step is to check out what accessoires to add from Walmart like a cool new scent..or maybe even splurge and buy a steering wheel cover...we are not going to do that but I just thought of an old friend who bought a hideous white furry cover that ended up looking like a nappy cat a month later. We will definately buy a scent though. I think it is funny when people buy the "new car" scent when they drive an old beater, and there are fast food wrappers everywhere. Or when you buy a vanilla scent but there is an old vanilla popsicle stuck between the seats anyways. I personally like the "pine cone" scent because I can use it as a deodorant and car sanitizer all in one, if people ask I just tell them I was in a pine cone fight and it starts up a fun conversation, try it sometime.

I came up with a theory about being busy (another random and weird conversation Joni and I had while trying to go to sleep). We decided that everyone thinks they are busy all of the time, so here is proof to know if you are really a busy person. No matter what you do during the day, if you get 7 or more hours of sleep, you are not busy. This of course does not count sleep deprived individuals, but it does count naps. For instance... in case you are slow with math... if you sleep for six hours at night, then take at least an hour nap at work, you are not busy. If you sit around all day watching tv, that can be busy to someone, as long as you get your sleep. Lots of crappy things happen on a dialy basis, and life will always be like that, but get your sleep and everything that happens to you will just be another part of your day, and you don't even have to say that you were busy. So next time you think you have a million things on your plate, count how many hours of sleep you got, then tell me whether you are a busy person or not. Good theory eh? That reminds me of yet another great quote, this one from Joni's sister Andrea. "I am a GREAT multi-tasker, just don't bother me while I am thinking and I can do anything." I am always thankful for the people in my life that can make me laugh, whether it is at their expense or my own.

Wrestling at Work

I don't really watch pro wrestling on tv, I never really liked the stuff...plus my mom would always comment on how much she hated it when I would leave it on the wrestling channel, which actually caused me to watch at times just to be annoying. Anyways, I have seen enough wrestling to know a few characters and to know how the whole wrestling theatre works...now I am just getting random. But I figured out why I like my job...I feel like a WWF promoter with the size and personalities of some of the guys I work with. I am just a little scared that someday one of them will try to break a chair over my back or throw me onto a table. For starters, This one guy who just started is seven feet tall...not kidding. And he isn't a beanpole, this guy has to weigh half a ton. Then there is my team leader who is nothing other than the spitting image of "the Rock", I was trying to joke around the other day and when he came in to work I said, "Can you smelllll what the Rock is cookin!"...I think I peed myself a little when he didn't smile at first, actually he never smiles, but I think he liked it a little...I hope he liked it a little. Then there is the "small" one. He is about 6'4", loaded with 275 pounds of Texas soul power. He has brothers who play football at Wisconsin and SMU, and still has a little chip on his shoulder I think that he didn't make it. I think the one time I made him laugh was when I was trying to break a piece of plywood in half by propping it up next to a wall...then I ran and jumped feet first full steam, and that plywood didn't break one bit...the whole momentum came back at me and I was launched onto my back on the ground. I was soo glad that someone saw it because I would have been mad to complete such a feat without anyone watching. Actually he laughed really hard again today when I hit my head on a steel beam...I'll do anything to please a crowd I guess. Then there is the former Golden Glove boxing champion, he is older but he looks like Hulk Hogan, handlebar mustache included, you can hear the guy laugh across the store. And finally my partner in crime Santiago "Jimmy" Martinez, about my height but has about four of my dad's bellies, I call him the cuadroople scoop. He wishes he was black and talks with a lisp, still trying to grow a mustache since he was 12. You can imagine how fun and interesting it is to work around a bunch of guys all day that could twist me into a pretzel. It's fun to be the minority, in Utah everyone is skinny and white, here I stick out like a sore thumb. Anyways, sorry to bore you with stuff about my work but I thought you might like to know who I work with every day. I think I might be a fan of wrestling now...sorry mom.

By the way, I can't resist this one...I would like to congratulate my dad on learning how to navigate the internet last night. He called me last night to figure out how to get onto my blogsite, and I explained for 15 minutes what to type into the address bar (and what the address bar is). I think that maybe he still has all of his stocks and investments in the business of slave trading and that the internet is just a fad. Sorry dad, if you can still read this...CONGRATULATIONS!

Freddy Mike

I just thought of a funny story about my dad that I had to write down before I forgot. I am supposed to be doing dishes right now to surprise Joni with a clean house when she gets home but I couldn't resist a blog...sorry Joni. Glen got me thinking when he was talking about Freddy Mike being a lead foot when he drives. I don't know if I ever told anyone about this one but for those of you who know my dad, just picture his reaction to the whole thing. It was near the end of the summer when I was still in high school, and I was headed over to Colorado for a visit. Dad picked me up in his sporty little Taurus SHO at the airport and just as soon as I was in the car we were flying 90 miles per hour down the highway in order to get to the house for an emergency nap or something...I don't know. Dad was losing his patience as usual and I was feeling a bit nervous as the cars we were passing were like dark colored blurs...I felt kinda like I was in the movie Tron. We came up on two unsuspecting cars driving side by side but we weren't slowing down and there wasn't much room to get between them...that's when it happened. Freddy Mike started hollering, "I can't stop. I can't stop!" We proceeded to drive between the two cars (on a two lane road)...I must add their expressions were pretty good too as they were trying to figure out what we were doing, then I looked down at his feet and he was pushing in the clutch with all of his might as the brake peddle sat there unbothered thinking to itself, "I am right here Mikey dear". He finally figured out what was going on when he took off his cool sunglasses to look down at his feet. No one was harmed but it made for a pretty funny converasation the rest of the way home. He just kept repeating, "For crud sakes, I just don't know how that happened". Its the moments like that summer day that make me thankful to have a family and parents that aren't by any means "normal". Dysfunctional families are the best! Which reminds me, dad if you are reading this I expect this and many more of your children's truthful accounts to get published in your genealogy book that you are writing. We need to have a record of where all of this abnormality came from. That doesn't mean you are excluded either mom "crazy socks" berger.

Thursday Afternoon

I think I am going to kill my neighbors dog. They have one of those little furry rat dogs that just yelp all day long, I have no idea why anyone would ever want one of those things. I am cringing right now every time I hear the little weenie yelp. I actually saw a lady in the airport last time we were there with her little dog in a "doggie purse" that even had mesh and everything so that the dog could see out. When did that become cool to treat your dog like a baby? Why is that cute and cuddily? I am letting out a little steam about a pet peeve of mine because this dog next door has not stopped yelping...not just barking...but sobbing and whining all morning long. For some reason my dad decided to cross into the small dog threshold and now he is addicted to westy's. I have never smelled a dog with worse gas than a westy, and I don't know many dogs that throw up as much as they do. Then when you make a comment about a small dog, everyone seems to come to the dogs defense...as if it can understand. I made a little dog want to pee himself the other day at work. A little chiuahah was sitting in a shopping cart...like a baby is supposed to...and when its owner left I growled at it, and he started shivering uncontrollably. You can't imagine the owners reaction when they saw how scared the little guy got when he was left alone. I am sure they rewarded him with a new shirt or something. We have a cat hospital in Dallas, I am not kidding. One of Joni's friends from her internship had a sick cat and she took it to the cat hospital where they hooked it up to an IV and was nursed back to health. Must have been the bird flu...sorry I couldn't resist that horrifying pun. By the way, speaking of animals...It is good to know that when I mention the word "ponies" that you all go into random thought mode from my last blog (see comments). Ya'll are too much.

Living in Dallas, Texas is one of the most intersting experiences I have had in recent memory. The weather is bearable now...it will still take me a while to understand the way of the south "Texas style". We like it here and the people are fun most of the time, but we still have yet to understand why so many people call Texas "heaven on earth". I don't want to say anything else in case a Texan reads my blog and gets all riled up because Texas pride is for real. They have a segment on the news called "Don't mess with Texas" about someone who does something to harm the environment or Texas lifestyle every day. As if all of the oil drilling and Dairy Queens in EVERY town (not kidding) help the environment. Oh well, pride can be a good thing sometimes. Just don't try and covince me that dogs are humans...especially little ones.

Stress

The last few days have gone by way too fast, Joni and I have both had a lot on our plates. We both had 12 hour work days today after a weekend of chaos. We need to take a karate class or something to iliminate the stress. Isn't it funny how people do really annoying things to you when you are stressed? Or maybe certain things aren't noticeable until you get all wound up. It reminds me of the part on Christmas Vacation when Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase) finally has had enough and he goes on a terror with a chainsaw cutting down trees and the banister rail. Sometimes you just need a chainsaw to make you feel better I guess...I don't mean that in a scary psychotic kind of way. As soon as we get the car I will post a picture, I was thinking of posing in my bathing suit on the hood of the car or something...what do you think? For now we have a loaner until the new car gets a fender thingy fixed. Having a loaner car is really stressful, knowing it is not yours and that you are liable for damage...but then again, gas is free and you can "test" the accelorator at stoplights against teenagers in their rice rockets. Writing about being stressed is even funnier because when you realize how stupid the things are that you are stressed about are not a big deal in the whole scheme of things, being stressed just comes down to mind games...and I hate mind games, I like ponies.

What a Day

I didn't want to blog today because I was actually getting tired of myself beleive it or not. That stinks when you are annoying to yourself...Joni does that a lot, she starts a story and then out of nowhere she'll say "I'm tired of hearing my voice" and she'll stop talking...weird. Last night we tried to find a restaraunt downtown that is cheap and really good, but we ended up getting lost. After driving around for over an hour we ending up eating at some tex-mex place 2 blocks from our house. This morning we went to get some papers out of the green machine, and found it with the windows busted out, the dashboard on the front seat and the stereo gone. I think the theives tried to steal the car but it doesn't run...I would have liked to see their faces when they found that out, or when they realize how crappy the stereo is. It was funny because while I was there the Target "security" officer rode by on his golf cart and didn't even look at me...maybe he thought I was the one breaking in and he didn't want to bother me, or do his job. Then I found out that our insurance didn't cover the car. What to do? Cash for cars man, the green machine is gone. I didn't have a choice, it is better to get a couple hundred out of it than to let someone tow it away tonight and cash in. I spent Saturday getting approved for a loan and buying a car...I still feel like throwing up a little, it just comes up bits at a time whenever I think about what we have just done, but I couldn't be happier that Joni has a good car now. The Rangers game was fun (see pics), the drive was eventful because of a huge accident on the freeway and there was also a Cowboys game at the same time. I'm trying to download a picture of Joni's car, if it works...nope, didn't work. It is a Suzuki Aerio, looks like a distorted picture of a wagon, like it has been smooshed...kind of like one of those pug dogs.

Swimming by Myself

Our pool in the summer, or is
that Yellowstone...I forget


Water walking? thanks for the pic Jubby


Today was too hot and I am sick of the West Nile garbage so I went swimming. I can't remember going swimming by myself that often in the past, but it was definately worth it. There isn't a care in the world when you are in the water, until you smell urine, and the neighbors dog, and you start to think of all of the gross things that could be in the water. Its hard not to think about those things when the water is pretty much the same temperature as outside. I always used to pretend I could defy gravity and that I could do all these tricks and stuff on land, even though I was in the water still. I probably looked like I had mental problems the way I would move around like a ballerina and then suddenly jump into a super quadrupal flip attack out of nowhere...I know I am getting made fun of for that one but come on, I KNOW everyone has been there and done that. If you haven't you are a liar, or at least have NO imagination. That would be hilarious if everyone walked around like they were in water all of the time. Steve would have his water wings on with his arms out parallel to his shoulders, kicking his little feet for dear life trying to stay afloat. People would all of the sudden duck down like they went under the surface and squint their eyes while their cheeks were inflated and blowing out air. That would be crazy...and funny. That's what heaven has to be like, I could push a button and everyone is in water walking mode, I can't wait to go there if it is true. Joni and I are going to a Rangers/Oakland A's game tomorrow. Believe it or not I scored some cheap seats from ebay again. Ya'll need to come down here and visit, seriously. I hereby extend an open invitation...depending on who you are...I guess that's not very open is it? The green machine may be alive for a little while longer, cross your fingers for us, it could be chitty chitty bang bang all over again (ask Glen about that one)